I remember when I was in college. Every morning I would run down the stairs from our second floor apartment, racing to get to class on time. And then, as soon as my feet hit the sidewalk, I would remember whatever it was I had forgotten that day. Then I would race back up the stairs, whereupon I would hear my roommates call out:
What did you forget, now?
At the time it did not feel shameful, it was more of a joke. But it did make me anxious about getting to class on time.
Since then I’ve learned how to plan ahead. Oh, I still forget things, of course. But now, when I get into my car, the times that I am running back into the house are far fewer.
I’ve learned not to rely on my memory anymore.
Working Memory and ADD / ADHD
You may, like many with ADD / ADHD, have difficulty with working memory. This is the area of the brain where we hold onto ideas and facts while trying to solve a problem or perform a task in the moment, like knowing all the things you need to do to get out the door. It is also the area of the brain where we search for information from our long term memory, like what we planned to bring with us to the meeting.
Being anxious about getting somewhere on time will certainly further compromise your ability to focus on what you need to do to get out the door on time.
If you also made a commitment not to rely on your memory, how would it help you to be less anxious about getting to places on time?
Looking Ahead
Try this.
A day or so before your appointment, visualize every step that you need to take to get ready. For example, if you were going to a meeting, you might think of the following:
- clean clothes
- purse/wallet with keys and phone
- business cards
- documents
- put the address in the GPS
- scrape the ice off the windows
- 12 quarters for the meter
- driving during rush hour
- find a parking spot during business hours
- go the washroom before going the meeting
Schedule the Steps
Plan for when you can accomplish each step. How important is your appointment? If you are going to a job interview, it is probably worth your time to do a lot of planning.
When you plan ahead at least a day or so, you are likely to feel less anxious. How would it feel to have the items below all set the day before your meeting?
- clothes
- keys, wallet and phone
- documents
- business cards
- put the address in the GPS
- 12 quarters for the meter
- determine when you need to leave
Then that day you could go out before you shower to get the car windows scraped, if necessary. Again, you might feel less anxious because you will know the car is ready. And you will also not have to get your clothes full of snow.
Estimate Time Needed
Determining when to leave is a bit trickier for many with ADD -ADHD, as estimating time is a challenge. We often underestimate the time needed.
Unless you are sure how long it takes because you have gone this route many times and the conditions are likely to be the same, try overestimating to ensure that you get there on time. As I write this, I can hear the voices of surprise at this suggestion.
Like many of you, I get bored easily and I don’t want to waste my time any more than you do. So, I try to bring something with me to read or do, if I think I might be early.
My GPS may estimate 20 minutes from point A to B. But I know in Boston, the time needed depends on the traffic as much as the distance. I will add as much as 1/2 hour to my travel time to make sure I can get to meetings on time.
Transitioning
If transitioning between tasks is a challenge for you, as is true for many with ADD-ADHD, preparation and intention may not be enough to get you out the door on time. Not giving yourself enough time to transition may still torpedo your plans.
Try stopping what you are doing 15 minutes early so you can give yourself time to clear your head and get ready to leave. Using a timer as a reminder can be helpful to remind you to stop early.
Actually Getting out the Door
One last hurdle. Having ADD – ADHD means having random thoughts, often at inconvenient times.
As you are walking out the door, you decide you need to take out the recycling. Then you drop it. As you drop the recycling, a glass falls. Ten minutes later, you are still not out the door.
The “one more thing syndrome” is a slippery slope.
In order to resist the need to act on these thoughts, use some type of self talk. “If I don’t go now, I’ll be late and that will not look good. The recycling can wait.”
ADDed Perspectives Bottom Line
If you know your challenges and plan ahead, you can reduce your anxiety and get to places on time.
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