{"id":11164,"date":"2021-12-15T09:20:53","date_gmt":"2021-12-15T09:20:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marlacummins.com\/stage2026\/?p=11164"},"modified":"2024-02-22T10:35:18","modified_gmt":"2024-02-22T15:35:18","slug":"adhd-5-ways-you-can-use-self-talk-to-stop-procrastinating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marlacummins.com\/stage2026\/adhd-5-ways-you-can-use-self-talk-to-stop-procrastinating\/","title":{"rendered":"Part 2: Effective ADHD Adults Know How to Use These Self-Talk Skills"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>(originally published August 3, 2016, updated December 15, 2021)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">As I noted in Part 1, self-talk either helps you reach your goals or gets in the way. I explored how you can develop a habit of using more positive and helpful self-talk to take effective action. I also shared how to use self-talk to develop more self-compassion and diffuse negative thoughts and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">In this post, <strong>Part 2<\/strong>, I&#8217;ll share with you how your current <strong>self-talk contributes to your procrastination <\/strong>and how you <strong>can turn this around<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had your fair share of criticism. Who hasn\u2019t? Of course, nobody likes to be criticized. As an adult with ADHD, maybe you\u2019ve had more than your fair share of criticism from your parents, teachers, partner, boss, or others. And maybe you\u2019ve tried to get them to stop. Not easy. I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But what about the <strong>criticism you heap on yourself<\/strong> in the form of&nbsp;<strong>negative self-talk<\/strong>? This negative self-talk also referred to as an inner critic, gremlin, or saboteur, is that self-sabotaging inner voice that can&nbsp;<strong>hold you back<\/strong>&nbsp;from accomplishing your goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No, doubt, these inner critics may have developed over time because of past failures due to your undiagnosed and\/or untreated ADHD. But now your negative self-talk reinforces your feelings of not being good enough. And gets in the way of taking effective action. Action that could help you see you have what it takes to be successful<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The good news is <strong>you have control over stopping this negative self-talk<\/strong>. Ready to&nbsp;<strong>stop being your own worst critic<\/strong>&nbsp;so you can&nbsp;<strong>move forward<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Becoming Aware of How Your Self-Talk Contributes to Your Procrastination<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you struggle with procrastination, you\u2019ve probably read a lot about how to overcome it and even tried some of the suggested strategies. And by now you know there is no one right or easy answer to this pervasive problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But one place to start in managing your procrastination is to consider how you talk to yourself. Because the way you talk to yourself represents your beliefs and attitudes, and these beliefs most certainly impact how you feel and act.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Makes sense, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Are you&nbsp;<strong>using<\/strong>&nbsp;one or more of the&nbsp;<strong>5 messages below<\/strong>&nbsp;Neil Fiore, author of \u201cThe Now Habit,\u201d attributes to procrastinators? If you are, you can learn how to&nbsp;<strong>change these messages<\/strong>&nbsp; to&nbsp;<strong>become<\/strong>&nbsp;what Fiore calls a&nbsp;<strong>producer<\/strong>, rather than a procrastinator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#1 \u201cI Must Be Perfect!\u201d<strong><br \/><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As you already know, perfectionism is one of the leading causes of procrastination. It starts when your internal critic shouts, \u201cThis is not good enough!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like many people <strong>Ari struggled<\/strong> to keep on top of his email. He thought he needed to write <strong>perfect emails<\/strong> each and every time, and told himself, \u201cI need to make sure there are no mistakes in my emails and be sure to add plenty of detail so they get my point. I know it will take a lot of time, but I can\u2019t send out emails that are not just right!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, no surprise, Ari would often avoid tending to his email because he did not have time to write what he thought was the perfect email each time, and that in turn led to an ever growing backlog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To get more efficient at responding to emails Ari practiced replacing his old messages with:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cA short email response is better than no response at all.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cThey just want an answer, and don\u2019t want to wade through a tome to get to the point.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cIf I don\u2019t include something and they have questions, they\u2019ll ask.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cIf I spend less time on emails, I\u2019ll have more time to work on my important projects and can get home sooner.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Where do you need to <strong>change your perfectionist messages<\/strong> so you can minimize your perfectionism and stop procrastinating?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#2 \u201cI Have To&#8230;\u201d<strong><br \/><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I often hear from people during the initial consultation, \u201cI just need someone to force me to get my stuff done!&#8221; I tell them that I don\u2019t do that not only because it is not my style, but also because it just doesn&#8217;t work, especially for Adults with ADHD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Think about when you have felt forced to do something. You probably felt resentful and resisted doing the task, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In order to get his email done, &nbsp;<strong>Ari<\/strong> would sometimes tell himself, <strong>\u201cI have to get this email done!\u201d <\/strong>But, as soon as he said this, he became aware that he would almost immediately feel pressure and resentment welling up inside him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And so, again, he would avoid his email.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The <strong>key<\/strong> for Ari was to <strong>change<\/strong> the <strong>authoritarian<\/strong> <strong>message <\/strong>he was sending himself into a message that conveyed he <strong>has a choice.&nbsp; <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He did this by telling himself, \u201c<strong>I am choosing to respond to these emails because<\/strong>\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;Communicating in a timely manner will help me grow my business.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I will feel less overwhelmed if I stay on top of my emails.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Fewer things will fall through the cracks.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Where are you trying to force yourself to do something by telling yourself, \u201cI have to\u2026!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you <strong>change these messages to convey the idea that you have a choice<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#3 \u201cI Should&#8230;\u201d<strong><br \/><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When you say \u201cI should\u2026\u201d you are implying there is a rule you and others must follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But what happens if you fall short of your own rules? In all likelihood you <strong>feel<\/strong> <strong>guilty<\/strong>, <strong>frustrated<\/strong> and maybe even<strong> rebellious<\/strong>. And, though you &nbsp;might be using these statements because you think they will motivate you, in the end you might actually procrastinate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Consider <strong>Ari\u2019s should statements<\/strong> about his email:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cPeople should never make mistakes when writing an email.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cPeople should not be trusted if they don\u2019t respond to email in a timely manner.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cA professional always takes their time and writes thoughtful, detailed emails.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>With everything else on Ari\u2019s plate he simply could not follow these rules, and so often ended up falling short and feeling frustrated. And, yes, putting off his email.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But, by <strong>replacing his should messages<\/strong> with the ones below, Ari found that responding to his email was not so daunting and he did not avoid it as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cI\u2019ll do the best I can, but making an occasional mistake in emails is unavoidable.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cIt is simply not possible to write lengthy emails each time. I will keep my emails on point. And, if they need more information, I\u2019m sure they will ask me for it.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI\u2019ll do my best to respond in a timely way, but some will slip.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>What should statements do you have around something you are avoiding?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you <strong>change these messages so the task does not feel so daunting<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#4 \u201cI Must Finish&#8230;\u201d<strong><br \/><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Another message that may be getting in the way of starting and following through on your work is \u201cI must finish\u2026now!\u201d &nbsp;When you say this you may also think:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cI\u2019ll never be able to finish this!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI have too much on my plate, and don\u2019t have time to finish this now.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cIf I can\u2019t finish it, I might as well not start&#8230;\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>The <strong>overwhelming pressure of feeling the need to finish<\/strong> the <strong>project \/task right now<\/strong> can lead you to <strong>put it off<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Ari<\/strong> also feels this same pressure when he says to himself, \u201cI must finish \u2014 get through \u2014 all these emails now!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The <strong>key<\/strong> to <strong>turning around this self-talk<\/strong> is to <strong>focus on persistent starting.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, <strong>Ari<\/strong> decided to put aside several 30 minute blocks of times during the day to work on <a href=\"https:\/\/marlacummins.com\/stage2026\/the-complete-guide-to-managing-your-email-for-adhd-adults\/\">processing and answering his email<\/a>. And he <strong>reminded himself<\/strong>, \u201cIf I start and focus on my email during these times, I\u2019ll get through what I need to do. <strong>All I need to do is start<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Where are you procrastinating, and telling yourself, \u201cI must finish..!\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead ask yourself, <strong>\u201cWhen is the next time I can start?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#5 \u201cThis Is Too Big and Important!\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When you think about doing one of your current projects, you might be saying to yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cThis is huge! How am I ever going to do this?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cThis is too important to screw up. I better get this right!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cHow can I possibly create this training, write this report, finish my dissertation\u2026?!\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>And then you become anxious and, yes, once again avoid tackling the project.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The key to tackling any project <strong>in the moment<\/strong> is to <strong>focus on the very next action<\/strong>. Because, well, that is all you can do, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One step at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Likewise, when <strong>Ari looks at his email<\/strong> <strong>in-box<\/strong> and spots emails that seem complicated, will require a few steps and quite a bit of time, he <strong>gets overwhelmed and is tempted to avoid them<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He has learned when he notices this happening to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>remind himself, \u201cI can do this one step at a time.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>ask himself, \u201cWhat is the first step I need to take to answer this email?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>continue to ask himself, \u201cWhat is the next step?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You can\u2019t do your entire project, at least not right now. But you can do one step at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What is the <strong>next manageable action step you can take<\/strong>? When are you going to do that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">ADHD Adults Use Self-Talk to Stop Procrastinating<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Which of the above messages are you using that are also contributing to your procrastination in one or more areas?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your inner critic was not sitting on your shoulder right now, what message would you change to make it easier to follow through?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(originally published August 3, 2016, updated December 15, 2021) As I noted in Part 1, self-talk either helps you reach your goals or gets in the way. I explored how you can develop a habit of using more positive and helpful self-talk to take effective action. I also shared how to use self-talk to develop more self-compassion and diffuse negative thoughts and feelings. In this post, Part 2, I&#8217;ll share with you how your current self-talk contributes to your procrastination and how you can turn this around. First, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had your fair share of criticism. Who hasn\u2019t? Of course, nobody likes to be criticized. As an adult with ADHD, maybe you\u2019ve had more than your fair share of criticism from your parents, teachers,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":18289,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[739,727],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adhd-emotional-regulation","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How ADHD Adults Use Self-Talk to Stop Procrastinating<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"ADHD adults use self-talk to stop procrastinating. 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