{"id":20796,"date":"2025-03-13T14:55:23","date_gmt":"2025-03-13T14:55:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marlacummins.com\/stage2026\/?p=14623"},"modified":"2025-10-10T16:18:12","modified_gmt":"2025-10-10T20:18:12","slug":"ready-to-manage-your-frustration-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marlacummins.com\/stage2026\/ready-to-manage-your-frustration-better\/","title":{"rendered":"Ready To Manage Your Frustration Better?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One of the executive function challenges for adults with ADHD is \u201cmanaging frustration and modulating your emotions\u201d. So, well, of course, there are many reasons you may get frustrated, understanding and addressing your frustration as a symptom of ADHD is key to making this better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A former client even asked whether it was \u201cpossible for frustration not to be their dominant emotion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The answer is, yes, of course, but it will take time and skill-building. Right now, you may become angry and frustrated much more easily and quicker than your neurotypical peers. The key to addressing this is to both honor those feelings and act in a way that is in sync with your values<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come along as we go on a journey to get some answers.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ll use the example of someone interrupting you in a meeting or conversation. I\u2019ll call this person Joe. But, as you\u2019re reading this, feel free to use the name of someone in your life who often frustrates or angers you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ADHD Contributes to Your Tendency to Get Frustrated or Angry<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s start by looking at how your ADHD brain wiring<\/strong> may contribute to your tendency to get frustrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The primary job of the frontal lobe<\/strong> is to control cognitive functions<\/strong>, like emotional expression<\/strong>. When your frontal lobe is working, it can help<\/strong> keep your emotions under control.<\/strong> However, because of the imbalance of dopamine and norepinephrine in the ADHD brain<\/strong>, your frontal lobe does not do this efficiently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When your frontal lobe goes offline, your limbic system<\/strong> (emotional brain) kicks in. If it were working, it would help you regulate your emotional and behavioral responses to stimuli \u2014 Joe\u2019s interruption. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the deficiency of<\/strong> norepinephrine <\/strong>in the ADHD brain\u2019s limbic system may predispose you toward emotional volatility<\/strong> \u2014 increased frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, because of ADHD related working memory challenges<\/strong>, you may have a hard time holding onto multiple perspectives at once. You may just hold onto one. So, when Joe interrupts you in meetings, you may decide he is rude. That may be the only perspective you can hold in the moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you could hold multiple perspectives, you would have an easier time telling yourself when Joe interrupts you, \u201cThat\u2019s just Joe. He gets really excited. And there are plenty of times when he doesn\u2019t interrupt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last, the ADHD nervous system is always looking for stimulation. So, it is difficult for you to screen out stimuli <\/strong>(from the five senses<\/strong> \u2014 smells, sounds, sights, touches, tastes \u2014 and thoughts<\/strong>). Because you have\u00a0an inefficient barrier,\u00a0you can\u00a0become overwhelmed\u00a0and\u00a0frustrated easily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s not just your ADHD that contributes to your tendency to become frustrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your Frustration Is Also a Habit<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When anger and frustration do take over, it can feel as though your brain has been hijacked, and that you\u2019ve lost control. Dr. Thomas Brown, in his book, \u201cAttention Deficit Disorder, The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults,\u201d writes about a patient of his who describes his frustration as akin to \u201ca computer virus in my head taking up all the space.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it sounds familiar, your ADHD is likely contributing to this feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While your brain wiring contributes to this predisposition, your tendency to become frustrated is likely also a learned behavior<\/strong>, a habit.<\/strong> A habit that cemented your \u201cfrustration neural pathways.\u201d<\/strong> That is, you do what you do because that\u2019s what you\u2019ve always done. So it is now a habitual way of responding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to become frustrated less often, you\u2019ll need to unlearn this habit. For example, maybe you don\u2019t want to become frustrated every single time Joe speaks up when you\u2019re talking. If it\u2019s excessive, you may want to address it with Joe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may also want to give him a break now and then, acknowledging that conversations can go like that sometimes. Right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And to unlearn this old habit, you\u2019ll need to replace it with a new habit \u2014 a new way of responding<\/strong>. More on that below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Is the Difference Between Anger and Frustration?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First, it\u2019s important to understand the difference between anger and frustration. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frustration is a byproduct of not getting what you want or expect,<\/strong> as with the example of Joe interrupting you in meetings. You want<\/strong> to be able to finish what you\u2019re saying and expect <\/strong>people to let you finish what you are saying.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Joe repeatedly interrupts you, and you do nothing to address it, you may feel threatened or embarrassed. Then you may feel angry, frustrated, because you repeatedly didn\u2019t get what you wanted or expected<\/strong>. Eventually, you reached the tipping point<\/strong> and went from feeling frustrated to angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, you might do or say something you later regret. The key to preventing this is to recognize when you are becoming frustrated and put the brakes on so that you can consider how to address the situation before you are stuck on a runaway train going the wrong way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because once that train leaves the station, you might have a hard time going back, right? We know not everyone is forgiving of unintended actions or words. So, let\u2019s see what you can do to avoid unintended consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotions Are Not Wrong!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First, it\u2019s important to remember, as you may already know, that emotions are not wrong<\/strong>! Yet, you may still feel shame about how you express your emotions.<\/a> It\u2019s normal to, perhaps, get frustrated when:<\/p>\n\n\n\n