DESCRIPTION:
Impostor Syndrome is common for ADHD adults. And, if you don’t address it, it may be holding you back. Ready to change that?
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Imposter syndrome is common for ADHD adults and can hold you back
- Acknowledging your imposter syndrome is the first step.
- The next step is exploring the stories you are telling yourself that contribute to your feelings of being an impostor.
- Then practice using strategies to diminish your feelings of being an impostor.
- One strategy is to “act as if.”
- Focus more on what you can bring to the table, rather than what you are lacking.
- And, rather than comparing yourself to others, compare your progress to what you could do before.
RESOURCES:
Website
TRANSCRIPT:
00:03:
Have you ever wondered what if people find out, I really don’t have what it takes. I don’t know how I’ve gotten it this far without them finding out. If you have, you’re not alone. Imposter syndrome is pervasive and it can hold you back. But you can turn that around.
You’ve tuned into Scattered Focused, Done – Re-Imagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins and I’m glad you’re joining me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD so you can get what is important to you done without trying to do it like everyone else.
01:03:
Dr. Valerie Young, the premier expert in imposter syndrome and co-founder of the Imposter Syndrome Institute defines it as a persistent pattern of dismissing and discounting your accomplishments and abilities by attributing them to external factors like luck or help from others and a fear of being found out.
She also points out that this is very different from normal fears. We all have them now and then, and it’s important to normalize them, according to Young. Though she notes, we may have the false idea that if we were really competent, we would be confident 24×7. This is not true. And not all fear and self-doubt is imposter syndrome. In other words, without imposter syndrome, even when your fears crop up every now and then, you would still be able to acknowledge your accomplishments and abilities rather than discounting them, as well as acknowledge how your efforts helped you to get where you are today.
02:16:
After 15 years of coaching, I still get anxious on occasion about whether I will continue to succeed or not. And, though I don’t feel like an imposter anymore,when I started, I certainly did. When I began my practice, I felt like I was paddling upstream as fast as I could, trying to learn as much about ADHD and coaching as possible, hoping I would stay just one step ahead of my clients. But feeling like at any moment they would find out I really can’t help them. But thankfully that has dissipated over time.
Yet I do on occasion have what Young calls imposter moments. I can remember this cropping up when I talked to a group of healthcare coaches about ADHD. Running through my head was, “Really, they could have picked somebody better to do this, who knew more.”
You may also have imposter moments, though you don’t have imposter syndrome. And the key according to young is to notice those moments and talk yourself off the proverbial ledge.
03:26:
When I was talking to the healthcare coaches, I reminded myself that one, I spoke with the owner of the practice and was transparent about what I could offer. She had explored my writing and thought that I could be of service to the coaches. And also they had sent questions in advance and I was prepared.
When you inevitably have imposter moments, remind yourself of what you have to offer, too. And, while this will be one of the strategies you’ll use, when you are trying to address imposter syndrome you’ll need to do just a little bit more work.
The first step is asking yourself how it is helping you. I know you may think this question is counterintuitive. Because, after all, your imposter syndrome holds you back, right? True, it does. But part of the reason it persists is because it is helping you in some way.
04:28:
To explore how this could be true for you ask yourself what your pattern of dismissing and discounting your accomplishments and abilities by attributing them to external factors is, one, helping you avoid, protecting you from, or helping you get?
While I didn’t recognize it at the time early on in my coaching practice when I was deep in imposter syndrome, I did feel somewhat protected by only working with individual clients. After all, if it didn’t work out, it was just one person. And somehow writing a blog didn’t feel too risky.
But, though I thought a lot about starting an online membership group and producing a podcast, I just kept putting it off. I was avoiding the risk of finding out that I couldn’t attract enough people to have a membership group on an ongoing basis or that I didn’t have the chops literally to have my voice online in a podcast. It seemed not doing either of these projects was definitely protecting me.
But the fact was I was spending a lot of time thinking and researching, having false starts and then shrinking back. Until I finally decided I would rather try it, fail, and be done with it than continue to put the energy into considering it.
05:56:
So that was my story. How is your imposter syndrome helping you? Even though it is likely helping you in some way I know you want to turn it around because it is also holding you back.
Before looking at the strategies to do this, let’s first look at the hypothetical example of Akim to see how your ADHD may be related to your imposter feelings. Because an understanding of this relationship will help you design the right solution.
Akim, a data scientist, had reviewed his calendar for the day. So was aware he had a two o’clock meeting with his team. At 1:30, since he had a half hour before the meeting, he decided to work on a project. But he got so hyper-focused on it he lost track of time and ended up being late to the meeting. When he did get to the meeting, he had a hard time focusing, as he was a little lost as to what was going on. And was also distracted by his thoughts of how embarrassed he was at being late.
07:07:
He just couldn’t let go of his embarrassment. And he was not able to get it together partly because of his ADHD related challenges with emotional dysregulation and limited working memory. And, because he processed slowly, as is common for ADHD adults, when someone asked him for his opinion, he fumbled on his answer. So, when it was time to give his report, he also had a hard time explaining the concepts.
No doubt, that meeting was a mess for a Akim.
But that didn’t or shouldn’t have taken away from the fact that he was well respected for his work. But Akim didn’t see it this way. In the moment all he could think of was, “I’m such a loser. They obviously think, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
I know this may sound familiar. So, let’s get on with seeing how you can unravel your unhelpful stories that may be contributing to your feelings of being an imposter.
08:15:
The first step to do this is to remember that your thoughts are really just a story, not reality. And, in the moment, when you’re having these thoughts, ask yourself not if the story is true or not, but ask yourself if the story is helpful or not. That is, will the story help you move forward?
In Akim’s case, believing he is a loser and that his colleagues think he doesn’t know what he’s doing is obviously not helpful. Because, if this were really the case that he was a loser, why would he even try? Why would he even work to lean into his strengths as a data scientist or even work on upgrading his skills in areas that were a little challenging to him?
Once you know your story, you can decide to take what is helpful from it and please leave the rest. For example, in Akim’s case, some parts of his story, well, are true.
09:26:
He does have challenges with hyperfocus, transitioning and processing on the fly. So he might decide to get help to upgrade these skills. But he also forgot to include the other part of the story that was true, which is that he’s a really good data scientist. Disqualifying the positive can be common for ADHD adults. The other part of his story, thinking he is a loser and his colleagues don’t think he knows what he’s doing, are not helpful. And also just not true.
Though no doubt his colleagues may be concerned about him being late to meetings and not prepared, that is something he can work on.
So after addressing your stories and accepting your feelings of imposter may pop up time and again, you can take the next step, which is to move forward by acting as if. When you act as if this means you’re acting as if you are the person you want to be, even when, maybe especially when, you’re not sure you can be this person. I know you’re thinking this is way too hard.
10:49:
You’re right. It will definitely take an act of faith to adopt this perspective.
Akim might do this by reminding himself that he has exceptional skills as a data scientist. And can continue to develop and lean into those strengths while also reminding himself that his challenges, some of which may be related to his adhd, do not diminish these strengths.
Then along the way, if he chooses to, he can learn how to work better with his ADHD by improving in areas where he is not as strong as he would like to be. So how can you act as if by leaning into your strengths? And where would you like to improve your skills, whether related to your ADHD or not?
One way to act as if is to focus more on the strengths and gifts you bring to the table, rather than the ways you fall short, perhaps because of your ADHD challenges. And you can do this by first acknowledging and owning all of your strengths.
12:00:
This might include not only your content skills if we’re talking about work, but also what some people like to call soft skills, such as thinking outside the box, being compassionate, tenacious, or, maybe as is true for many ADHD adults, operating well in a crisis.
Then the next step is to use them and remember how useful what you have to offer is to yourself and others, rather than discounting or dismissing these skills. Then continue to strengthen and cultivate them. Otherwise, you may forget they exist, and they may even atrophy over time. Acknowledging, using, and cultivating your strengths are important, not only as a means to address your feelings of being an imposter. But, as Dr. Hallowell noted, “The best way to change a life of frustration into a life of mastery is by developing talents and strengths, not just shoring up weaknesses.”
That sounds right to me. What do you think?
13:14:
In addition to acting as if and rather than where you fall short, it will also be important to stop comparing yourself to others as you work towards shutting your feelings of being an imposter.
But right now, you may be falling into the trap of comparing yourself to others when you find yourself thinking, “I wish I could do X, like so-and-so,” Why is this, whatever this is, so hard for me when it’s so easy for everyone else,” “Everyone else can do…” And you can fill in the blank.
Unfortunately, these thoughts, these comparisons, are all too common for ADHD adults. And, if you are doing this too, a consequence may be that you are internalizing these comparisons as rules you should follow. Some people like to call them shoulds. And, when you can’t operate like the people you are comparing yourself to because it just doesn’t fit with how you operate best, your feelings of being an imposter are magnified.
14:27:
One step you can take to avoid comparing yourself to others is to remind yourself that you really have no idea what is going on for other people just below the surface. You know, right, everyone has their own struggles, challenges and insecurities. So remember this when you start comparing yourself to others.
Also, remember, when you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re only looking at your weaknesses compared to what appears to be their strengths. The grass is always greener, right?
And when you can stop comparing yourself to others, focus on your strengths and act as if, you may also want to take into account those areas where you do want to upgrade your skills to reach your goals. But that doesn’t mean you’re not okay just as you are or that you’re an imposter. It just means like the rest of humanity you have an area where you could do a little bit better.
15:37:
So, if you choose to upgrade your skills in different areas, rather than comparing yourself to what others can do in those areas, compare your progress to how you were doing before you started trying to change it. So what would it look like if you were doing 5% better? For example, Akim may focus on getting to meetings on time.
Then, whether it’s your current successes or past successes, rather than attributing it to luck or help, as is true when you have imposter syndrome, remember and acknowledge how your efforts have helped you get where you are.
When you neglect to remember these times when your efforts helped you get where you are, and rather tend to focus on how luck or outside help got you there, not only are you fueling your imposter syndrome, but as I noted ear earlier, you may also be less likely to believe you have the agency to engineer your life to reach your goals. And so you may stop putting in as much effort into trying to do so.
So take a minute to think of one or two important achievements from the past year. Got those in mind? Now, think about what you did that helped bring those to fruition. If you’re not feeling very positive right now, maybe try doing this with a family member or a friend.
17:23:
Feelings of being an imposter may sneak up on you occasionally. That is, you may have imposter moments. But, if you can recognize when you’re feeling like an imposter and address it with some of the steps I’ve shared with you, you don’t need to allow these feelings to persist and hold you back from taking the action that will help you reach your goals.
Which of the strategies will you try today?
That’s it for now. I’m really glad you joined me and stayed until the very end. If you’re interested in learning more about my work with adults with adhd, please do check out my website, marlacummins.com. And, of course, if you’ve learned a thing or two from today’s podcast, which I hope you have, please also pass along the link to anyone else in your circles you think might benefit.
Until next time, this has been Scattered, Focused, Done. And I’m Marla Cummins, wishing you all the very best on your journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD.