Marla Cummins

ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant

What ADHD Adults Need to Do to Make Better Decisions

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DESCRIPTION:

Like many ADHD adults, you may struggle when making decisions. You can make better decisions with greater ease using these 3 tips.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

  • Decision making can be overwhelming for ADHD adults.
  • Part of the reason for decision making being stressful is lack of clarity on your values, beliefs, and objectives.
  • Gaining clarity in these three areas will not only make decision making easier, but you will also make better decisions.
  • Taking more time for upfront thinking is necessary to accomplish this.

RESOURCES:

TRANSCRIPT:

00:02:

If you’re struggling to make decisions, could it be, you’re not clear on your values, beliefs, and objectives in making that decision?

You’ve turned into Scattered, Focused, Done, Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD, adults, like you, who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills, to be able to get your such a work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins, and I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD. So you can get what is important to you done without trying to do it like everyone else.

00:49:

In my last podcast, Making Choices is Easier for ADHD Adults Who Do This, I differentiated between making choices and making decisions. I defined making a choice as choosing between known options. Maybe these choices are visible to you, or it might be that you can see the options in your mind. I also shared strategies for minimizing the overload that can come with trying to make too many choices. And, if you haven’t listened to that podcast yet, I’d encourage you to go ahead and do that. But when making a decision, you may or may not be choosing between known options. You are though trying to solve a problem, reach a specific goal, or fulfill a certain need. Whatever the decision before you can make it, you need to recognize you’re at the critical point of choice. I’ll explain more about that in a moment.

01:55:

To illustrate how you can make better decisions I’ll look at the process one of my former clients used. My hope, though, is that you’ll be able to apply what you learned from this example to decisions you need to make in your own life. So, let’s get on with it.

Let’s start by unpacking why you must recognize you’re at a critical point of choice before you can arrive at a decision point. At a basic level, before you would even entertain a decision, you first have to know you have the freedom to choose to make that decision. That makes sense, right? If you don’t feel you have the freedom, it may be because of fear or not feeling you have agency, or maybe it’s because you have conflicting goals or some other roadblock. For example, if work is a challenge for you, you may think the onus is primarily on you to change, to fit in, to do better.

02:54:

If you’re an adult with ADHD, listening to this, you probably do need to upgrade your executive functioning skills. But it could also be that your work environment is just not a good fit for you. At least as it is currently configured. And, while you may have pondered whether you should find a new job, you may not have thought carefully about what agency or opportunities you have to change the environment to work better for you. And because you’re not aware you have the freedom to change your work environment, you likely are considering just two decision points. Which are how can I get better? and/or do I need to leave this place? But, if you recognized you had latitude to create a better work environment for yourself, you might engage in deciding how to do this.

03:55:

While this podcast is not about finding the right job, if you are curious about whether you’re in the right job or not, go ahead and check out my article, “How to Find the Ideal Job for ADHD Adults” before you rush to the conclusion, you need to quit your job. To be more aware of your options, choices in making a decision you first need to be aware of your goals or objectives, as well as your values and beliefs.

For example, let’s say you value money as an end goal. You want to make as much money as you can. In addition, you generally believe the only way to climb up the ladder and make more money is to always say, “Yes.” You tell yourself, I don’t have a choice. It’s likely based on your values, beliefs, and goals, you won’t see, you have a choice agency to change your work environment. But what if you had a different set of values, beliefs, and goals.

05:00:

For example, what if, while of course you want to make a living, making as much as you can is not your end goal. Rather you value making a meaningful contribution in your career, as well as practicing good self-care and being present for your family and friends. In addition, let’s say you also believe employees should have a say in crafting their work environment. I know you get where this is going. In contrast to the first scenario, while you may not know what your options are, you might be more open to entertaining various options that will allow you to have a say in creating a better work environment for yourself.

05:44:

The bottom line is only after you’ve clarified your goals, values, and beliefs can you go on to the next step of clarifying what options are open to you to make decision. If you want your decisions to be based on your values, it makes sense to clarify these before you decide on your goals, of course. Yet, in your haste to make decisions, you may not take the time to do enough upfront thinking to be sure you are including your values in your calculations. If you’re not sure if you are not trying, considering as you go about your week, pay attention to how you make your decisions. And try thinking about, “Am I incorporating my values as I make my decisions.”

But for now, let me give you an example. One of my former clients, a partner in a law firm was doing well enough before we started working together.

06:47:

After all, he was a partner in a law firm. But the stress and overwhelm was way too much. Sure. he needed upgrade, some of his executive functioning skills. But as it turned out, the heavy lift for him was actually deciding how to spend his time and energy to support his values. He was definitely clear that his family, his health, being involved in his community and managing and growing his law firm were all important to him. But his volunteer activities were taking up an inordinate amount of his time. Because, when he made the decisions to commit to these activities, he didn’t consider the trade-offs he was making. The time he needed to spend on his volunteer activities meant he simply didn’t have enough time to engage with his family and his firm in the way he wanted.

07:50:

In fact, he was also stretched so thin he didn’t even feel like he was pulling his weight in the volunteer activities. Ultimately, he decided to shed some of these volunteer activities so he could really live all his values. He learned to say no gracefully. By doing this he had the time and energy he needed to be present with his family. And manage and grow the firm in the way that he wanted, as well as be fully involved in the volunteer activities that he chose to stay involved in. Nice, right?

If you google values exercises, you’ll find plenty of exercises to help you clarify your values if you need to do that. And, if you have my book, you can access the values exercises there to help you identify your own values. Also, if you’re interested in learning how to say no, check out my article, “6 Guilt-Free Strategies ADHD Adults Can Use to Say No.”

08:50:

In addition to being clear on your values, while trickier to do, it’s also important to be clear on your beliefs when considering your options and making a decision. And you may need someone, maybe a friend, family member, coach, or therapist, to help you explore your underlying beliefs regarding a situation. As we all have our blind spots, right? And because we all have our blind spots, you may not see what beliefs are driving your decisions. Unless you look closely and maybe have someone serve as a mirror.

Back to my former client. It was important to him to be a good mentor and supervisor to his associates. He wanted to be dependable and available. But he thought that this meant he needed to have an open-door policy for his associates. Of course, as an adult with ADHD, the interruptions made it much more difficult for him to focus and attend to his other work. And the frustration he felt when the associates interrupted him meant that he was not even fully present with them.

10:12:

Sound familiar? Not only was the open-door policy contributing to his inefficiency, it wasn’t really helping the associates grow because they relied too much on him. That is, as soon as they had a problem, they would go to him instead of taking some time to see if they could figure it out on their own. His belief, that being dependable and open meant he had to have an open-door policy for his associates was actually getting in the way of meeting his goal of being a good mentor and supervisor.

So, this brings me to the third consideration when making a decision. In addition to being clear on your values and beliefs, you have to be clear on your objectives. That is, what are you really trying to achieve? Well, in the case of my former client, giving up some of his volunteer commitments gave him more time to spend with his family and on the firm, he still needed to explore his thinking errors, beliefs, that were getting in the way of his goals, of being a good mentor supervisor and getting his other work done.

11:37:

He ultimately decided to have office hours a couple of times during the day. Of course, if it were an emergency, the associates could interrupt him. He was only able to see this as an option though, once he got past his black and white thinking and his belief that an open-door policy was the only way to demonstrate dependability and openness. Before the shift in thinking he believed he couldn’t both support his associates and set boundaries to allow himself to focus and attend to his other work.

In fact, once he instituted office hours, not only was he more efficient in his work, but he was also much more dependable, open and present. Because he could focus and attend. When the associates came to ask him for help much better. As he was anticipating that they might come in during his office hours. Furthermore, the associates came to him less, as they didn’t always want to wait for office hours. So they found other resources to help answer their questions, or they figured it out on their own.

So where are you stuck making a decision because you have multiple objectives you think are in opposition to each other? Maybe it’s time to look at your underlying thinking regarding those decisions. By the way, if you do manage people and you’re interested in exploring this, check out my blog post, “5 Common Mistakes Leaders and Managers with ADHD Make” and/or listen to my podcasts, “How to Be an Effective Boss When You Have ADHD.”

13:34:

Making decisions can be hard for ADHD adults. But they also can be easier if you have clarity on your objectives, values and beliefs. Not easy to do. I know. But I think you’ll make better decisions if you’re willing to take the journey.

That’s it for now. I’m really glad you joined me. And, as always, stayed until the very end. If you’re interested in learning more about my work with adults with ADHD, please do check out my website, marlacummins.com. And, of course, if you’ve learned a thing or two from today’s podcast, which I hope you have, please also pass along the link to anyone else in your circles you think might benefit. Until next time, this has been scattered focus done. And I’m Marla Cummins wishing you all the very best on your journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD.

 

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Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do. Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability. Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course. Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive… Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try.  She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations. The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things.  Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer. When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame! Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choices that are right for me and learn strategies that last a life time is invaluable to me. The investment was certainly worth it. From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD. If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally. I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life. I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately. I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore. Thanks again for all your help.  Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers. Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our work I clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions.  Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change. For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work. I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily. I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control. Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost. At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it. More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent. Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively. She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open. She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical. Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well. She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing. After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.

— Marc D., Software Engineer

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try. After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem. Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally. Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist