DESCRIPTION:
True, memory challenges are common for ADHD adults. But these challenges don’t have to get in your way, if you use these solutions.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Your ADHD contributes to your working memory and long-term memory challenges.
- There are many work arounds to compensate for these challenges, including tools strategies and mindsets.
- Learning about and acknowledging these challenges can help you choose the work arounds that will work best for you.
RESOURCES:
ARTICLE:
ADHD and Meetings: How to Take and Use Your Notes
TRANSCRIPT:
00:00:
Wondering if there’s an answer to your ADHD related memory challenges. There is. Though you might be surprised by some of the tips I’ll share. You’ve tune into Scattered, Focused, Done – Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults, like you, who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins. And I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD. So, you can get what is important to you done. Without trying to do it like everyone else,
00:50:
Because of your memory challenges, you may find yourself saying things like:
I forgot we were meeting then. Or never mind, I can’t remember what I was going to say. Or maybe, I know I wrote that down someplace. I just don’t know where. Or maybe I’m sorry. I forgot to get the bread when I was at the store. And the last one. It’s just not coming to me right now. I’ll have to let you know later when I remember.
Then embarrassment sets in when you have these memory lapses. And you may even start going down a shame spiral, thinking you must not be that bright and others probably see you as less than capable. To make matters worse, when your forgetfulness impacts others, they may jump to the conclusion you just don’t care.
The best way to effectively address your memory challenges is to first start with self-compassion by understanding how these challenges are at least in part related to your ADHD and definitely not because you’re not bright or because you’re self-centered
01:57:
While, I’ll get to the workarounds, if you can start with validating your experience, you’ll be in a much better place to adopt the right strategies and tools. Because you’ll have a better understanding of what might work best for you with your particular challenges.
Let’s start by making sure you understand the difference between working memory and long-term memory, as well as the ADHD related challenges you may have with both.
When you are using your working memory, you’re storing information very briefly, 15 to 30 seconds. So, you can use the information to carry out a task. While everyone’s working memory capacity is limited, meaning you can only process a certain number of relevant junks chunks of information without getting distracted by irrelevant information, the working memory capacity for ADHD adults is even more limited. This means you can hold less information than your neurotypical peers.
03:09:
In addition, your working memory is further compromised by your tendency to get distracted when attempting to attend to a primary task. Of course, once you’re distracted, there goes the information from your working memory.
To better understand how this works let’s look at how you might use your working memory in a meeting. So, the meeting starts. There are some new hires. So, everyone is introducing themselves. As people go around, you’re trying to place that guy who’s sitting across from you. He looks familiar. You’re not really listening. Anyway, then first on the agenda is a discussion about the budget for your department. You notice yourself getting frustrated at the discussion. You want to say something. But you just can’t get your thoughts together because you’re just too frustrated. And you don’t want to embarrass yourself by being curt. Then you decide you are going to say something and start to interrupt.
04:14:
All eyes are on you. You can’t remember exactly what you wanted to say. So you decide to pass. You’re already feeling frustrated when your phone rings just as it’s time for you to give your report for your department. Even though you have notes in front of you, you kind of fumble through it because you’re thinking about the person who just called.
Then you leave the meeting thinking that was not one of my finest moments. Like your working memory, your long-term memory may also seem more like Swiss cheese than a trap door. Your long-term memory, though, refers to your ability to remember to do something in the future or to retrieve information stored in your long-term memory.
Let’s go back to the example of the meeting to see this in action. And let’s say the meeting environment is ideal for you. That is, there are no interruptions.
05:13:
You’re able to collect your thoughts and say what you want. You’re not feeling any emotional tension, like frustration. So, you’re not having problems with your working memory. But you did for forget to bring your notes for your department report. You were in a rush and assumed you could remember what you needed to say. You know where this is going, right? When it’s time to give your report, you just can’t retrieve the information. And you fumble through this.
After leaving the meeting, you start chatting with a colleague, but forgetting you had a call with a client right after the meeting. You missed the call. Even though you knew going into the meeting that you had the call right after.
Some researchers believe ADHD long-term memory challenges are due to information not getting into your long-term memory. And others believe it is a difficulty with retrieving information because the filing system in the ADHD brain is so disorganized.
06:20:
Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Okay, here’s the good news and the part you’ve been waiting for,the workarounds. While your long-term and working memory may be a little wonky, there really are effective tools and strategies you can use to manage these challenges, so they don’t get in your way.
But let’s go on a slight detour first. Because I know one of the things you may be wondering is if there’s some sort of brain training to make your memory better. The short answer is that it’s a very controversial field. Mostly because the research has shown inconsistent results when it comes to generalizing from the game to actually helping you in areas of your life where you need it. So it’s really important to be a wise consumer and do your own research before investing time and money.
07:20:
Okay, here’s the part you’ve been waiting for, the workarounds. I’ll stick with the example of a work meeting. And start by looking at strategies you can use to compensate for your working memory challenges. As you’re listening, though, please do think about how you can generalize and use these tips to help you in other settings.
I know when you’re in a meeting, you may be tempted to try to get other work done, if possible. But doing so will get in the way of effectively using your working memory so you can interact the way you want in a meeting. Monotasking, rather than multitasking, is key, if you want to present yourself in the best light possible. I know you may think you’re a good multitasker. But trust me. You’re not. Multitasking is a myth. You really can’t do more than one thing well, at least at one time.
08:19:
So, to give yourself the chance to put your best foot forward, it’s important to focus and attend in the meeting. You can start by reminding yourself. I’m doing this and not that. I’m doing this and not that. I’m doing this and not that. Okay, so you got the mantra. And, when you remember something else you need to do, just write it down. But don’t try to do it while the meeting is going on.
Of course, just telling yourself this won’t be enough. You know that you’ll need to use other strategies and techniques to help you pay attention in the meeting. One option is to give your floating attention a job to do. Everyone has some floating attention. But ADHD adults definitely have a surplus. In part that’s why you’re easily distracted. And may sometimes times be the butt of the “there goes the squirrel” jokes. Sometimes funny. Sometimes not so much.
09:21:
I know. But, if you can give your floating attention a job to do, you’ll have an easier time attending to your primary task, which in the example I’m using is engaging in the meeting. One more way to do this is to use an unobtrusive fidget object, like maybe a spinner ring. While there are other reasons to take notes, taking notes can also give your floating attention a job to do and allow you to focus on the discussion in the meeting.
Using strategies that make the example I’m using of meetings more interactive and stimulating can also compensate for both your working memory and long-term memory challenges. You can start doing this even before the meeting begins by, of course, reading the agenda. But also formulating questions to pique your interest. For example, if department X is giving an update, you might ask yourself, “I wonder how they’re doing on that new project they told us about last month.”
10:23:
Being curious and asking yourself questions as the meeting is going on will also help you attend and, yes, make it easier to stay engaged in the meeting and use your working memory effectively. While taking notes gives your floating attention a job to do, being curious as you’re taking notes by using a system to identify key points, such as action items, questions that you may have, ideas that you may have, et cetera, can also help you use your working memory to, yes, stay engaged in the meeting.
Of course, having these notes will also help you later so you don’t have to rely on your memory for recall. If you’re curious about examples of note taking systems, I’ve included an article about note taking with the podcast on my website.
11:25:
Another way to be curious so you stay engaged in the meeting is to ask yourself questions as people are talking. For example, as your boss is talking, you might ask yourself, “I wonder if she’s going to let us know why she chose to do it that way. If she doesn’t, I’ll ask her later in our one on one.” Of course, write down if you have that question so you don’t forget it later. Anyway, staying engaged in the meeting will help you monotask and use your working memory better, rather than letting your mind wander. And then you’ll also have the information you need later so you don’t have to rely on your long-term memory.
Which brings me to the first of two recommendations I always offer when it comes to long-term memory challenges. The first recommendation is, assume you’re going to forget. And don’t rely on your memory when you have the opportunity to use a tool or strategy, instead. So, in the case of giving a report about your department in a meeting, make sure you’re prepared with notes you can refer to, instead of assuming you’ll remember
12:25:
Also, make sure all your date and time sensitive appointments are in your calendar. Then, as in the example I used, when you’re leaving a meeting or transitioning from any other task, look at your calendar. Don’t assume you’ll remember because you looked at your calendar in the morning. Also, make sure you have audible notifications only from your calendar. But, because things go wrong, still make sure you look at your calendar even if you already set an alarm to remind you. Likewise, if you promise to go to the store after work, for example, put that in your calendar with an alarm. And when you’re leaving work transitioning, make sure, yes, you look at your calendar.
13:22:
I know it may seem like a lot to do to compensate for your wonky memory.
So, this brings me to my second recommendation, which you can use for both working memory and long-term memory challenges. And that is to practice acceptance and self-compassion. Because sometimes you just won’t be able to prepare to prevent these memory lapses. And other times, no matter how much you prepare, you’ll be thrown a curve ball, like a question about your report in the meeting that you had just not thought about. And you really can’t think of the answer in the moment.
Accepting your memory challenges doesn’t mean you like having them. It just means you’re acknowledging that they’re there. It is what it is. Just like you wouldn’t refuse to glasses or contacts if you had poor eyesight, right? You accept that you have poor eyesight and do what you need to do to see well. If you can work toward accepting your memory challenges and treat yourself with compassion, you’ll be able to figure out the right tools and strategies to compensate for these challenges, rather. Instead of fighting reality and thinking you should have a better memory than you do.
14:52:
In addition, rather than spiraling into shame, you can build your comfort level with letting other people know about your memory challenges. So, if you’re in a meeting and unable to recall information to answer a question, you could say, “I can’t remember that right now. Let me look into it. And I’ll shoot you an email after the meeting.” Of course, don’t forget to write down that you need to shoot someone an email after the meeting. Similarly, if you’re having a hard time following all the bouncing balls in a conversation in the meeting, and someone asks you what you think you might say, “You know, I didn’t really catch all that. Can you say that again?”
If you have working in long-term memory challenges related to your ADHD, you really can adopt strategy these tools and mindsets to be able to work with these challenges so they don’t ultimately get in your way. What would you like to try to start working better with your memory challenges?
That’s it for now. I’m really glad you joined me and stayed until the very end. If you’re interested in learning more about my work with ADHD adults, please do check out my website, marlacummins.com. Of course, if you’ve learned a thing or two from today’s podcast, which I hope you have, please pass along the link to anyone else in your circle you think might benefit. And, until next time, this has been Scattered, Focused, Done. And I’m Marla Cummins, wishing you all the very best on your journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD.