(originally published January 4, 2018, updated August 28, 2024)It can be overwhelming for Adults with ADHD to make decisions among many options. At the same time it may seem that having a lot of options is a good thing. At least according to our consumer culture. But this is not always the case when you take into account the energy and stress involved in choosing between so many options
The quote below from a current client (reprinted with permission) shows what a struggle it can be.
I’m really struggling to make any decisions in almost any scenario. Like, choosing between 2 things, choosing to get rid of something. I get a sense of panic/anxiety, as well as, a sense of frustration. Logic makes no difference. The magnitude of the decision makes no difference. Trust in someone else to “make” the decision makes little difference (I still have to pull the trigger). When I do make the decision, I hold my nose, squelch the butterflies and just do it on faith that it won’t bite me in the butt later.
Choices, whether big or small, can prompt the above feelings for adults with ADHD.
Part of the answer, according to author of Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz is to take on the approach that more is less. Let’s see how you can do this to make decision making easier.
Why ADHD Adults Have Difficulty Making Choices
Maybe you’ve been told that you can’t pay attention. That is just not true. The reality that you pay attention to everything because you have a surplus of attention. That leads you to be overwhelmed when needing to make choices. This includes choices in in your personal and professional life.
It can feel like a game of pinball with all the thoughts swirling around in your head and so you may:
- avoid making a choice.
- impulsively making a choice.
- just ruminating about the options, but not doing anything.
There are two ways to counter this. One is you can minimize the number of choices you make each day. Second, minimize the number of options you are willing to consider when making a choice.
Ready to learn how to learn how to do this?
Let Go of the Fear of Missing Out
Can you think of a time when you had a really hard time making a choice. It might have been about how to spend your time or about what to buy. It might have been so difficult because you were trying to make the best choice possible – you were being a maximizer. You might have been worried about
- regrets you might have about the decisions.
- missing other opportunities due to the choices you made.
- comparing yourself to others.
As Schwartz points out, this may lead to undue suffering because your expectations are unrealistic. There is an alternative. That is you could learn to accept good enough — be a satisficer?Rest assured this does not mean you are resigning yourself to mediocrity. Rather it could bring you a peace of mind if you embraced this perspective of good enough. Is it worth it to have less overwhelm and stress?
To practice being a satisficer:
- think about a time when you have recently made a good enough decision. Was it buying a gift, choosing a meal at a restaurant or something else.
- list the ways you made these good enough decisions.
- use these strategies in other areas in your life.
If you’re not sure how to do this on your own, ask for help from a friend, family member.
Decide to Have Fewer Options When Choosing
Think of another recent time when you were faced with making the best possible choice. Maybe you had more options that you can explore given your limited time and energy. But you may continued researching and researching until you were overloaded with information.
In the end was the process worth it? You may decide it was, if the end result was what you wanted. Even it felt grueling. But I also know you would the process of choosing to feeling better
One way the process can feel better is to limit the number of options you explore. As I said before that doesn’t mean you are giving into mediocrity. Instead you are focusing your time and energy on what matters to you. To do this you’ll need to let some opportunities pass you by.
You can do this by for example deciding in advance to:
- compare 3 laptops, instead of 10.
- go to only 2 stores when shopping for clothes, rather than the whole mall.
- interview and choose from among 3 accountants
Limiting your choices will become easier as you work toward becoming more of a satisficer, rather than a maximizer, limiting your choices will become easier.
Express More Gratitude and Less Regret
The process of choosing will be easier when you limit your options. You will also feel better about your processes when you explore how you evaluate the choices. For example, you might either express gratitude or regret when making a choice. You will feel better when you focus:
- more on what you are grateful for about the choice.
- less on what you regret about the choice.
It is not easy to do. You will need to practice.
One way to do this is to adopt a daily habit of using a gratitude journal. Before bedtime write down 5 things, including 1-2 of your choices, that you are grateful for from that day. Even if your choices may not turn out exactly as you envisioned, you will begin to see what is good about them.
Also to focus less on any regret you might feel, remind yourself that:
- few choices are as life altering as we might think in the moment.
- you don’t can’t know if a different choice would have led to your imagined outcome.
For example, maybe you went out to eat and the food was not that good. You could still be grateful for the time you spent with your family and friends. So you can focus on what was good about going out to eat instead of the food.
Try the above with an example from today.
Remove Excessively High Expectations & Comparisons to Others
Removing excessively high expectations is another way to minimize regret when making a choice. For example, when going out to eat you might appreciate the serendipity of the moment instead of expecting perfect food, perfect company, perfect service, etc.
Another way you may have excessively high expectations is when you compare yourself to others. Can you think of choices you’re trying to make based on what you think others have? Maybe you are thinking, “If only I had…, then I would be happy.” It might be prompted by something you saw in social media, which of course might just be illusory.
You are likely not going to feel better if you make choices based on what others have. The better option is to focus on what is important to you and brings meaning to your life. One way to do this is by choosing to focus on what you decide is essential. Then you can “make your highest contribution toward things that really matter to you.”
And reduce the number of choices you’re trying to make. Nice, right?!
Learn to Love Structure
Establishing some helpful structures is another way to reduce the number of daily choices you need to make. Yet I know you may not like how it feels even though structure can be useful. Because they can feel too constraining sometimes, like many adults with ADHD, you may tend to resist them.
It’s all about balance. That is you want to establish just enough structure and not too much. Then you can focus more on what is important to you because you will not be faced with so many daily decisions. One way to do this is to establish rules and routines, like these:
- Create a rotating menu of meals, instead trying to decide at 6:30 pm what to have for dinner. Think Taco Tuesday.
- Have a “meeting” with your finances at a regular time every week. So you don’t have to think about when you are going to pay this bill or check that account.
- Make sure you have a place to put information throughout your day so you don’t end up putting it on stickies or other random places. For example, always putting your tasks in a task manager and put date and time-sensitive information in your calendar.
When you have these rules in advance you will free up your time and energy to focus on choices you need to make that do not lend themselves to routines.
Ready to be Free of Too Many Choices?
You know adults with ADHD are often overwhelmed by decision-making. Which of the above strategies can you start using to reduce the overwhelm of having too many choices?
