Curious Why ADHD Adults Know What to Do But Still Don’t Follow Through?
DESCRIPTION:
Frustrated when you don’t follow through? Find out why your primary ADHD challenge is one of performance, not knowledge and what you can do about it.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- ADHD adults may not execute even when they know what they need to do and even how to do it.
- Shame, if not addressed, can further exacerbate the lack of follow through for ADHD adults.
- Simple is not the same as easy.
- ADHD adults may not perform when they want to because of challenges with the executive functions needed to execute.
- There are workarounds ADHD adults can use to address these challenges to follow through more often.
RESOURCES:
Articles/Podcasts:
- How to Become Shame Resilient When You Have ADHD
- Feel Like Your Emotions Are in Charge Not You Because of ADHD?
Tools:
Model:
TRANSCRIPT:
00:00:
Beyond being curious, I’m sure you’re frustrated when you don’t follow through, especially when doing the task will help you reach an important goal and aligns with your values.
You’ve tuned into Scattered, Focused, Done – Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD, adults, like you, who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins, and I’m glad you’re joining me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD. So, you can get what is important to you done without trying to do it like everyone else.
00:55:
One of the keys to learning how to operate at your best when you have ADHD is knowing and remembering, especially when it seems like executing should be easy, that your ADHD is a challenge of performance, not knowledge. What this means is that there will be times you don’t execute even when a task is straightforward. So you know how to do it. Then you and maybe others who are depending on you to follow through are frustrated.
There are two keys to turning this around. One is of course, to be proactive and I’ll share steps on how you can do this in a bit. The other key is to be curious and have a little self-compassion with yourself when you don’t follow through. Because no matter how proactive you are, there will still be times you won’t execute. Not only because of your ADHD, but also because, well, you are human.
02:04:
So next time you don’t perform the way you intended, pause and take some breaths, really some deep breaths. Don’t go into problem solving mode right away. Because you might need to take some distance first. Then, when you’re ready in the right mindset, and, perhaps, with support, take time to figure out what might help you follow through better and more often in the future.
That may not be how you approach your lack of follow through right now, though. Rather, in addition to feeling frustrated, when you drop the ball, you might also feel a sense of shame because you feel like you’re just not good enough. Maybe because you think everyone else can get their stuff done, but you. And when you feel shame, you feel as though you’re inherently flawed. That is, your inability to follow through is a character defect, something you can’t change.
Obviously, shame is never going to be helpful if your goal is to learn how to follow through better.
03:12:
And, if you don’t pay attention and address these feelings, these instances could trigger a shame spiral, which is hard to break out of and might lead to even more shame. And that might even lead you to act in ways that make the situation worse. Like not asking for help, not communicating your progress when you should, maybe avoiding the task altogether or blaming others for your lack of follow through.
If you’re interested in learning more about how you can address your shame when it comes up, because it will occasionally, check out my article, How to Become Shame Resilient When You Have ADHD. I’ve included a link to it with the podcast on my website.
And one way to mitigate the chances of going into a shame spiral is, yes, to both acknowledge your lack of follow through, rather than the result of a character defect, is at least in part because of your ADHD symptoms and also that you can learn how to adopt the resources you need to follow through more often.
04:22:
So, let’s get on with looking at some of the ways your ADHD may make it hard for you to execute as well as a few example, strategies you can use to turn this around.
But first I want to dispel another perspective you may be holding, which is, simple is the same as easy. It’s not! At least not for ADHD. Adults. Take the example I’m borrowing from a former client of taking out the recycling before it’s overflowing. Let’s say you commit to taking it out, as you really want to pull your weight at home. And you fully intend to do it. And you’re a hundred percent sure of, course, you know how to do it. But, when you don’t end up following through, you wonder why, as the Nike commercial suggests, you just don’t do it.
05:19:
If you’re not following through with taking out the recycling, obviously knowledge is not the issue, right? And if you’ve decided it’s important to do to pull your weight, motivation is not really the issue either. While that interest may not be apparent in the moment when it’s time to do it, you still may really want to do it.
One of the reasons you’re not following through may be because of your challenge with the executive functions necessary to execute. Believe it or not taking out the recycling is actually quite complicated. Not sure about that? Hang with me and I’ll illustrate why this is the case and what you can do differently to follow through on your intentions in various contexts.
06:14:
If you’re like most ADHD adults, one of the challenges you may find most infuriating is your inability to remember what you need to remember at the time you need to remember it.
In the case of the recycling, you may forget to do it even if your spouse reminds you as you’re grabbing your morning coffee. Because you’re looking for your keys and the charger for your laptop and you just can’t hold onto the reminder in the moment because of working memory challenges. You feel bad. And your spouse may wonder why you refuse to take out the recycling. After all, how hard is it?
Your brain wiring just isn’t reliable for remembering something at the exact time and place you need the information. The key is not to rely on your memory. So maybe you post a checklist next to the door or use an app on your phone that you check each morning before you leave home.
07:18:
In addition to memory challenges, sometimes it’s harder for ADHD adults to execute because of challenges managing their frustrations and emotions when it’s time to perform. That is, your emotions may feel bigger and last longer than your neurotypical peers. Yet, they aren’t bad, of course. They’re a signal. So, you want to listen to them.
But you also want to be in the driver’s seat. This means paying attention to the cues your brain is getting hijacked. And then, rather than allowing your ADHD brain to dictate your response, taking the time you need to decide how you want to respond so you don’t blow up at your spouse and decide not to take out the recycling just because they reminded you to do it.
Maybe when you feel the frustration well up, you take a deep breath, take out the recycling and then take some time later to be curious about why you got so frustrated. Perhaps you were really frustrated at yourself for not remembering, again. But projecting your frustration onto your spouse?
Anyway, for more tips on managing your emotions so you can do and say what you want I’ve included my article, Feel Like Your Emotions Are in Charge, Not You Because of Your ADHD, with the podcast on my website.
08:55:
Even when you remember to do a task and your emotions feel pretty much in check your ADHD related challenges to activating can still make it difficult to execute. For example, to follow through and take out the recycling in the morning, you need to estimate the time correctly to accomplish everything you need to do in the morning, including the recycling. Sequence the activities. Then spend only the estimated time, while not getting distracted. And also plan ahead so you have everything you need to walk out the door on time (maybe your book, bake, keys, lunch, et cetera.).
What sounded like a simple task of taking out the recycling just got a little bit more complicated, right? And yes, all of these steps may be fairly intuitive for your neurotypical peers. But estimating time, thinking ahead, planning and not getting distracted, as you know, are all challenges for ADHD, adults.
10:09:
And once you know, these are challenges though, you can work on upgrading your skills. For example, you could estimate time for your morning activities to get an accurate sense of how long they take. So maybe you use a timer for a week or two to see how long they take. Again, you might also refer to a checklist and to avoid distractions, remind yourself, “I’m doing this and not that. I’m doing this and not that. I’m doing this and not that.” One of my favorite mantras. You might also create a launchpad you organize the night before so that everything is ready in the morning and you don’t have to worry about it that morning.
11:01:
Another challenge related to your ADHD that may get in the way of executing is your challenge with shifting your attention. That is, you need to be able to start, stop and task switch to accomplish everything you need to do in the morning, including, yes, taking out the recycling. So, if you’re so focused in the morning on taking the dog out and getting yourself together to head out the door, it may be hard for you to stop in the moment and switch to getting the recycling together.
To minimize the context switching you need to do in the morning you may just decide to take out the recycling in the evening instead.
And to round out this list of ADHD related challenges that may get in the way of executing the last one I want to share is regulating your pace. When it comes to getting ready in the morning, you both need to slow down so you don’t, for example, break your juice class and then have to spend time cleaning it up, as well as keep a steady pace so you can get everything done in time.
One way to do this for some people is to set a timer for each activity. You might decide to use an app like habitify to list your morning routine and check them off as you go along. And then maybe use a visual timer such as Time Timer. There’s a link to both of these with the podcast in my website.
12:48:
I bet you already know most of these more common ADHD related challenges to executing. You know, you need to not get distracted, keep up a steady pace, plan ahead, et cetera. But despite this knowledge, if you aren’t performing the way you want, it’s at least in part due to your ADHD related challenges with performing. But you can turn this around by upgrading your skills in the areas that make executing difficult for you right now.
That’s it for now. I’m glad you joined me and stayed until the very end. If you’re interested in learning more about my work with adults with ADHD, please do check out my website, marlacummins.com. Of course, if you’ve learned a thing or two from today’s podcast, which I hope you have, please also pass along the link to anyone else in your circles you think might benefit. And, until next time, this has been Scattered, Focused, Done. And I’m Marla Cummins, wishing you all the very best on your journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD.
