Do You Have A Hard Time Making Decisions?
Making decisions is one of the executive challenges for ADHD Adults. Do you have a hard time with decision making?
Let’s look at the example of a former client, who emailed me a description of his difficulties making decisions (posted below with permission).
I’m really struggling to make any decisions in almost any scenario. Like, choosing between 2 things, choosing to get rid of something. I get a sense of panic/anxiety, as well as, a sense of frustration. Logic makes no difference. The magnitude of the decision makes no difference. Trust in someone else to “make” the decision makes little difference (I still have to pull the trigger). When I do make the decision, I hold my nose, squelch the butterflies and just do it on faith that it won’t bite me in the butt later.
I bet his description sounds familiar to many of you.
You might think you are not good at making decisions. If this is true for you, the process of making decisions can be that much more difficult because you don’t trust your skills.But you can become more effective in making decisions, in part, by correcting the mistakes below.
Think of a decision you are trying make now. As you are reading below, consider which of the suggestions can help to make the process easier.
Ready?
Why Is Decision Making So Hard for Adults with ADHD?
You may believe, and you may have even been told, you can’t pay attention. That’s simply not true. The real challenge for adults with ADHD is paying attention to everything! That is, you have a surplus of attention.
Your attention is drawn, not only to all the stimuli in both your external and your internal world – your thoughts. With all the thoughts swirling about in your head, deciding which thoughts to pay attention to when making a decision can be overwhelming.
It can even feel, yes, a little like a game of pinball. And, because it is so hard, you may:
- avoid thinking about or making the decision.
- impulsively make the decision without giving it enough thought.
- continue ruminating — thinking — about the decision, but not doing anything.
Obviously, none of these are good options.
Mistake #1 – Not Taking Time to Pull Over
Since your ADHD brain did not come off the assembly line equipped to do a good job organizing thoughts in your head. Because of this it is important to get out of your head to make some decisions, especially if they are complicated. Here are two ways to do this:
- Talk through the decision you are trying to make with someone you trust.
- Journal about your decision.
The cue that it is time to get out of your head is when your mind starts to feel like a pinball machine. Instead of responding to this trigger — racing thoughts — by just thinking, avoiding making the decision or impulsively making the decision, it is time to slow down and pull over.
Check out how to do this in the example below.
Sam needed to book plane tickets to go to a conference. But he kept putting it off. The more he procrastinated the more frustrated he became.
It turned out he was putting off buying the tickets because he needed to make other decisions. First, he had not decided whether to go to the Pre-Conference or not. So, he didn’t know whether to fly out Tuesday or Wednesday. Second, he also needed to check in with his cousins to find out if they would be in town. If they could spend time with him, he would extend his stay.
Because of this lack of clarity, he continued to put off making the decision.
After talking this through with his friend, Ethan, Sam decided not to go to the Pre-conference. And, after checking in with his cousins, he decided to extend his stay.
Now he could book his flight!
When your mind is racing and you are procrastinating, stop and ask yourself, “What is getting in my way of making this decision, and what would help me close the loop?”
Mistake #2 – Trying to Make a Perfect Decision
You already know you can’t make perfect decisions. Yet, even though you know this, you may still unknowingly be trying to make the absolute best decision – the perfect one.
One way to figure this out is to see if you are making statements like the ones below about a decision you are trying to make now.
- “Well, maybe I should…” And continue thinking of other alternatives.
- “But what if…?” And think of all the possible consequences of your decision.
If you are caught in the loop of making the above or similar statements, it is time to see how you can make a good enough decision. Below are steps you can take along with an example of how Bob did this.
1. Choose a decision.
Bob wanted to find a financial advisor.
2. Identify how you are trying to make the decision now.
Bob had been haphazardly researching this on and off for almost a year. Yet, he was no closer to deciding because he was too afraid of choosing the wrong one. So, he kept looking…
3. Adjust how you make the decision.
He finally decided he would ask his friends for recommendations for a fee-only financial advisor. Then he would call 3 of them over the next month.
By the end of the month he would choose one and call to make an appointment.
He hoped he liked the person he chose. He also told himself, “It would definitely be a pain to start this process all over again and I don’t want to throw money away. But, if I absolutely don’t like him/her, I can walk out at the end of the appointment and start over.”
4. Find support, if you need it.
Bob asked his friend, Sue, for help processing by:
- listening to his thought process.
- asking him for clarification if she didn’t understand his explanation.
- challenging him with questions if she saw holes in his reasoning.
- suggesting alternatives.
- checking in with him about his progress.
Notice, Sue didn’t need to have any expertise in finding a financial advisor. She just needed to be supportive and be a good listener.
5. Decide on a time frame.
Bob decided a month was enough time to ask for recommendations, call three and choose one to schedule an appointment.
Are you game to making a good enough decision?
Mistake #3 – Trying to Get All the Information Possible
Sometimes, when you are trying to make a perfect decision, you may try to get as much information as possible. But in some cases there is more information out there than you can possibly digest.
Yet, you still might continue researching until your head is spinning with information overload. The alternative is to limit your research by for example:
- deciding to use 2-4 reputable resources related to the decision you are trying to make.
- limiting the amount of time you spend researching.
- giving yourself a deadline to stop doing research.
- processing aloud with someone so you are not trying to do it just in your head.
Mistake #4 – Not Trusting Your Instinct
You may think you frequently don’t make good decisions. So you may find it hard to trust your instinct. Yet, you can’t make decisions based only on rational factors. At some point you’ll need to go with your gut.
If you tend not to trust your instinct now, take some space and time away from trying to make the decision. So you can listen to what your instinct may be telling you.
A few ways to do this is to step away from the situation by
- going for a walk.
- doing something, whether work or fun, unrelated to the decision.
- sleeping on it..
- deciding not to decide for a longer period – a day, a few days, a week.
- try journaling. by just allowing you thought to flow onto the paper, you may get more clarity on what you need to do.
By stepping away from the situation the solution may come to you without trying so hard to make the decision.
What else can you do to stop working so hard to make the decision and allow your instincts to guide you? Because in the end, your gut may just give you the best answer!
Mistake #5 – Waiting So You Don’t Make a Mistake
You already know you might make a mistake.
But the fear of making a mistake might be holding you back from making a decision. If this is the case, ask yourself, “Is the guarantee of not making a mistake worth the price of not making a decision?
Questions for You
What is getting in your way of deciding today?
Which of the above workarounds will you try to close the loop?
