ADHD Emotional Regulation

(originally published July 31, 2009, updated April 15, 2021) Rumination. Racing thoughts. Stuck thinking. Worrying. Perseverating. These are just some of the names adults with ADHD use when referring to their inability to move on from thoughts that are causing them a great deal of distress and not serving them in any productive way. ADHD rumination is real and can get in your way. For example, maybe you blurted out something in your meeting with your colleague, Ali, you now regret. Now, not only are you replaying the scenario over and over, but you’re also thinking about the potential for any future fallout. You may wonder whether Ali will want to work with you on future projects, whether this will affect your chances of promotion…

So, you’re wondering why ADHD adults get easily frustrated and angry, right? If this is one of your challenges, I’m not surprised. As it is often a topic of discussion in my individual and group coaching sessions. In fact, recently a client asked whether it was “possible for frustration not to be their dominant emotion.” And that questioning prompted me to ponder, once again, why ADHD adults may become angry and frustrated much easier and quicker than their neurotypical peers. And this led me to also think about the strategies that can help ADHD adults both honor those feelings and act in a way that is in sync with their values. Of course, it’s possible to manage your frustration better, if this is one of…

ADHD adults make mistakes just like everyone else. You will do something whether it is “an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result.” And you may wonder on occasion, “How can I stop screwing up?!” Well, of course, it’s impossible to avoid making mistakes. You know this. Yet, you may beat yourself up whenever you make one. Maybe even going into a shame spiral. And, when you’re feeling like this, the last thing you want to hear is how your mistakes will help you grow stronger! So, I’m not going to tell you this. You’re welcome. ? However, the way you think and feel after making a mistake may lead you to behave ways you later regret. So that your response…

Learning what to do with your negative thoughts and feelings and treating your ADHD go hand in hand. I know you want to learn how to work with your ADHD so you can leverage your strengths and manage the ADHD symptoms that get in your way. And sometimes you need to exert control to do this. For example, you might try to temper your impulsiveness, avoid distractions, manage your stress, decrease your perfectionism, etc. It takes a lot of time and energy to do this, right? But are you wasting your time and energy trying to also exert control over your thoughts and feelings? You frequently have automatic thoughts in response to a trigger. And these elicit various emotions. Sometimes these are helpful. For example,…