Here is a Method That is Helping ADHD Adults Initiate Easier
If you are like many Adults with ADHD, you may be in the habit of relying on your sense of urgency to get into action.
And sometimes it works — stuff eventually gets done when your back is up against the wall.
But, even when it does work, it can come at a cost, right? When you often wait until the last moment to do a task you might:
- lose sleep.
- get sick often.
- be perpetually stressed.
- not eat well.
- experience more conflict in your relationships.
And what happens when you just can’t muster enough urgency to get into action?!
Then you are really stuck, especially if this is your go to strategy. And you probably get frustrated, wondering, “How could this be happening?! I have to get this done!”
Ready to stop relying on urgency to get going and complete your tasks?”
Shaming Yourself Into Action Work Doesn’t Work
One place to start is to consider how your black and white thinking could be keeping you stuck.
You may be trying to shame yourself into action with negative self-talk, such as: “I’m such an idiot. I need to get this done! How can I be doing this, again?!”
Sound familiar? You know it doesn’t work when other people heap shame on you, right? So, why would it work if you do it to yourself?
It doesn’t. In fact, this stick approach — punishing self-talk — rarely works for Adults with ADHD. Of course. More likely, this kind of self-talk will lead to avoidance.
How Blaming Others Keeps You Stuck
Blaming others is another form of black and white thinking that may be keeping you stuck in your tracks.
Think of the times when thoughts like these run around in your head, “He has no clue what he is doing! I can’t believe he is making me work on this project. It’s a complete waste of my time…!”
Not very motivating, for sure. Obviously, this kind of negative self-talk only deepens your inertia and keeps you stuck.
Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of “ADHD and Avoiding Negative Thinking Traps” to explore how other types of negative thinking may be getting in your way.
So, what is the alternative?
The Key is to Dig Deep to Find Your Why
The first step to getting unstuck is to figure out why you want to do the task. You can do this by asking yourself: What is the value to me of doing this task / project?
The answer may not always be obvious. Sometimes you will have to dig really, really deep to come up with something that feels plausible to you.
But when you can tap into the value a task has for you, getting started and following through can be easier.
See How One Person Figures Out Her Why
Check out how Cari was able to do figure out why a work project she was avoiding was actually important to her.
True, Cari was avoiding working on her team’s new project in part because she was swamped and overwhelmed with other work.
But what made matters worse was the continuous tape she had playing over and over in her head:
“This is a waste of my time, and it’s borrring…”
“This is a waste of my time, and it’s borrring…”
“This is a waste of my time, and it’s borrring…”
You get it.
Not a good tape to playing, especially if you are an Adult with ADHD trying to get started on a project. So, no surprise, even though she promised herself she would stay on top of her work, she ended up falling behind on the project.
And, when her boss called her on this, at first she became angry, and thought, “This is a totally ridiculous project after all…”
Eventually, though, she decided she wanted to figure out how to get on board, rather than spend her energy and time being angry.
The first step she took was to come up with the list below of reasons why doing the project was important to her:
- There is a lot about the company I like. And, as long as I choose to stay here, I will have to do some projects I don’t like. It is not worth expending so much of my time and energy fighting what is…
- I really want my colleagues to see me as a team player — someone they enjoy being around and can depend to do the work well. No one likes a whiner, after all.
- One of my goals is to develop my leadership skills. Maybe I can do that by helping to steer the course of the project as much as possible. And I’ll try to let go of whatever is not within my control.
- I want to be seen as a professional, not as the kid on the playground who takes her toys home when she doesn’t get what she wants.
- If I do well at this project, maybe I’ll get more interesting projects down the line.
Even after coming up with this list, Cari wasn’t thrilled with doing the project, for sure. But doing this exercise helped her to get on board and do the best she could.
And, as an adult with ADHD, you may also struggle to get started and follow through when you don’t immediately see the value in a task. While determining its importance for you is not the magic ticket, it is a critical first step.
How To Do What Is Important To You– It’s All About Execution
Once you figure out the value of doing something executing can still be hard.
Check out what Cari did to ensure she would follow through once she decided she was on board and wanted to do the project.
- To keep from missing deadlines she asked her colleague, Sean, if they could briefly check in each day on the deliverables and brainstorm together if either of them was stuck. Having this accountability helped her to stay on track.
- She also decided to work on this project first thing in the morning when she was at her best.
- To avoid distractions, she glanced at her email first thing in the morning to see if there were any from her boss, and then waited until after she worked on the project to look at the rest of her emails.
- In addition, she used the app, Rescue Time, to block distracting websites.
- And last, after consulting with her boss, she put another project on the back burner. And committed to revisiting it at the end of the month when she was done with this one. One less distraction…
What would help you do what you have decided is important to you?
Questions For You
Where are you stuck to getting started and following through?
Which of the above strategies will you try today?
