Marla Cummins

ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant

What ADHD Adults Need To Know to Find a Good Therapist

by

treating adult ADHD with therapy

 

Treating adult ADHD with therapy can be a critical component of a ADHD treatment plan. Yet, if you are considering therapy, you may be unsure what criteria to use. It can be overwhelming trying to choose the right therapist, for sure. And I know you want to find someone who is a good fit. Because you don’t want to waste your limited time, energy, and money, right?

Of course, there is no certainty you’ll end up with the right therapist on the first try — one that’s a good fit for you. But, using the information below can increase your chances of finding someone who will work for you. If you’re still deciding whether you need a therapist or an ADHD coach check out my previous post, Confused Whether You Need Therapy Or ADHD Coaching?

Know Your Preferences Before You Hire  a Therapist

For the therapy to be effective it’s important the therapist is a good fit for you. Of course, therapists (and coaches) come in different “flavors.” And, obviously, you have preferences and expectations. So, as you vet each therapist, tune into whether the two of you will be “in sync.”

For example, I tend to sprinkle a good dose of humor throughout my sessions. But you might not like my comedic sensibilities. It doesn’t make me wrong or you wrong. Well, it doesn’t make me wrong! 😊 It does mean, though, we might not be a good fit. Makes sense?

The bottom line is when you’re interviewing a therapist (or a coach), listen carefully to the tempo of the conversation, as well as the content. That is, take a beat, and notice how the conversation feels to you. Does it feel comfortable or does it somehow rub you the wrong way?

I know you may just want to get the process over with. But, if you don’t take your time, you may end up wasting more time, energy and money engaging with a therapist who doesn’t work for you. You know that. To avoid this, honor your preferences. And don’t hire someone just because they “sound” good.

How to Follow Through on Choosing a Therapist

Remember, ADHD is a performance issue.

That is, even with all the information, you might not follow-through on finding a therapist. Because most often your lack of follow-through is not a result of lack of knowledge. You know what you need to do. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to increase the possibility you will execute.

First, decide whether there are non-negotiable criteria. For example, does the therapist need to be in-network or are you willing to pay out of pocket? How far are you willing to travel from home/work. Does gender, sexual identity, age, religion, etc. matter? Making these decisions first will decrease your options and make the process easier.

Even after making these decisions, because your other tasks feel more urgent, finding a therapist might fall to the bottom of the list. Happens. To make sure you persist despite your other work carve out time to Take steps toward finding a therapist. Maybe put a block in your calendar.

For example, devote10-15 minutes after lunch every day. Since the time is limited, it might not feel as daunting. The trick is to focus on starting and continual movement forward. Even if you call only one therapist, you will be further along in the process, right?

Once you have a process for following through and know what your non-negotiable criteria are, you can decide what kind of therapy you need right now.

Does Your Therapist Have to Be Knowledgeable About ADHD?

While there are many options for therapy, it is helpful to work with someone who understands how to work effectively with adults with ADHD. So, when interviewing therapists, ask questions, such as:

  • How much experience do you have working with clients with ADHD?
  • What is your professional/educational background in ADHD?
  • What is your approach to working with clients who have ADHD?
  • Specifically, what is your approach to helping clients with ADHD meet their goals?
  • What is your philosophy of ADHD medication?

As, Kathleen G. Nadeau, Ph.D., a prominent authority on ADHD notes:

For psychotherapy to be effective in treating adults with ADD (ADHD), the therapist must take an approach that keeps in mind the neurological aspects of ADD (ADHD) as well as the psychological issues that develop from a lifetime of being impacted by ADD (ADHD).

Too often, the adult with ADD (ADHD) receives therapy from clinicians who are trained to psychologically “interpret” all behavior. Therapists with psychodynamic training may view an individual’s chronic lateness as “resistance” to therapy rather than considering the possibility that this pattern is related to an ADD (ADHD) time-management problem that needs to be directly addressed on more practical terms.

Working with a therapist who does not understanding ADHD might leave you feeling misunderstood and could hinder your progress.

What If Your Therapist Doesn’t Have a Good Understanding of ADHD?

Over the years I have worked with many clients who have shared with me their experience of working with therapists. Many have found therapists who were a great fit and helped them get to a place of acceptance and readiness to move forward.

However, some of my clients encountered therapists who because of their inexperience with ADHD:

  • did not have realistic expectations of what my clients could accomplish in a particular time frame and pushed too hard.
  • were confused about my clients’ lack of follow-through and seemed unsure of how to help them.
  • treated my clients like they were their ADHD instead of treating them as a whole person.
  • did not believe ADHD existed in adults.

What if your therapist doesn’t understand ADHD and how it impacts your functioning? But is helping you in other areas of your life. Talk to them about your concerns. Ask them if they would be willing to learn more about ADHD. You might even suggest a book you found helpful.

But what if their lack of understanding about ADHD is hindering your healing and progress, rather than helping? Then it’s time to move on and look for a new therapist.

What Therapy Approach Is Most Effective for ADHD Adults?

In addition to finding a therapist who understands ADHD, you will also need to decide which therapy approach is right for you. This guide for finding a therapist, Where to Look and What to Ask to Find Therapy That Works for You, is an excellent resource. How to Find a Good Therapist is also a helpful guide.

When treating adult ADHD with therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing specific thinking and behavior patterns is often recommended as an effective form of therapy for ADHD adults.

A lot of choices, I know. The key is to focus on what you need most from a therapist right now. And then choose a therapist who has that expertise.

Treating Adult ADHD with Therapy

Of course, not every ADHD adult needs or wants to use therapy as part of their treatment plan. But treating adult ADHD with therapy can be an effective cornerstone of a treatment plan for some.

So, if you choose this route, it’s important to take your time and do your due diligence. That is, consider what your needs are right now. And take your time so you can maximize your chances of finding a therapist that’s the best fit possible given your resources and available options.

 

Share this article!

Do You Have Trouble Following Through?

Get your FREE special report now and learn about Six Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make (and how to fix them).

You'll also receive ADHD management tips in the ADDed Perspectives Newsletter.

Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do. Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability. Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course. Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive… Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try.  She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations. The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things.  Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer. When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame! Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choices that are right for me and learn strategies that last a life time is invaluable to me. The investment was certainly worth it. From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD. If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally. I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life. I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately. I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore. Thanks again for all your help.  Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers. Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our work I clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions.  Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change. For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work. I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily. I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control. Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost. At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it. More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent. Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively. She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open. She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical. Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well. She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing. After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.

— Marc D., Software Engineer

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try. After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem. Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally. Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist