Creating Change Will Be Easier When You Use These 6 Strategies

DESCRIPTION:

Making changes to work better with your ADHD can be hard. But it could be easier if you use these 6 strategies.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• To create the change you want you will need clarity about what it will look like when you reach it.
• Too much planning can get in the way of creating the change you want.
• You are not your goal.
• While you can’t have all the information you need when you start, you can learn along the way to reach your goal.
• A change you envision may look simple to reach at the onset. But it is likely not easy to execute.
• Be willing to change course or even stop pursuing a goal when it no longer makes sense.

RESOURCES:

ARTICLE:

Are You Persisting in These Four Areas When It’s Better to Quit?

TRANSCRIPT:

00:01:

Making changes to work better with your ADHD can be hard. But it could be easier if you use these strategies.

You’ve tuned into Scattered, Focused, Done –  Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins. And I’m glad you’re joining me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD. So you can get what is important to you done without trying to do it like everyone else.

00:49:

Considering a change, starting to make that change and going through the messy metal, so to speak, as you work toward the change you envision can be difficult, as I said. And your executive function challenges related to your ADHD may make this more difficult at times. But that doesn’t mean you can’t create the change you want. It does however mean you may encounter roadblocks along the way related to your ADHD. So it’ll be definitely helpful to know what these might be. And, as much as possible, be proactive by using strategies that can help you address these challenges as you are working towards your goal, the change you envision.

One of the challenges for ADHD adults, as you know, is planning and sequencing the steps needed to reach a goal, create that change. And, if this is true for you, it’s possible that sometimes you may not be crystal clear about your ultimate goal.

01:53:

Obviously, this is problematic. Because, as Yogi Bara said, If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else. Right.

Let’s look at this hypothetical example of Darius who thinks he should look for a new job because his current position is just too stressful. Of course, just taking another job won’t assure Darius that he will be in an environment with less stress. But, if he has his sights set on just getting out of dodge and getting a new job as his primary goal, he might end up jumping from the proverbial frying pan to the fire. To minimize the chances of this happening he needs to first identify all of the elements that may be contributing to his stress in his current job. And then create a plan for addressing these elements, which might include looking for another job. But in my experience with clients, adults with adhd, changing jobs is not necessarily the first step to address this stress.

03:02:

Rather, it is likely Darius needs to first upgrade various skills to address the challenges, whether related to his ADHD or not, that are contributing to this stress. And then, after taking these steps, he will be in a better position to decide whether his work environment is a good fit for him or not. In the end, it just might not be. So, think of a change you want right now. Are you clear about the results you want? If not, please take a beat to get the clarity before you jump. So you don’t end up in another fire, so to speak.

Another challenge for ADHD adults is, rather than not doing enough planning or, as I like to call it, upfront thinking, is being stuck in thinking mode and not acting. Sometimes this is the result of a serious case of what ifs. What if it doesn’t work?

04:04:

What if it’s too hard? What if I don’t maintain it? What if? What if? No doubt, looking ahead and trying to anticipate possible challenges can be helpful to a certain degree if it allows you to be proactive in addressing these challenges so the journey is easier.

But planning stops being helpful when you’re trying to create the perfect plan so you can anticipate every conceivable challenge. Not only does this over-planning obviously keep you from getting started, getting in action, it’s just not possible to anticipate every challenge and create the perfect plan. Well, intellectually, I know you already get this. But, if you’re stuck in planning mode right now, one key to avoid this is to be confident in your ability to pivot and change course if needed, including reaching out for help along the way. This is critical because when you start your journey, you only know what you know.

05:12:

That is, you necessarily start with limited information. And, as you proceed, you’ll learn and gather new information. In order to use this new information to inform how you want to proceed, it’s really important to have a flexible and experimental mindset. So you can start with as much of a plan as you need, maybe just the first few steps. Instead of trying to nail down every single step.

As Martin Luther King said: Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. I’d like for you to have faith in your ability to start, learn, and then pivot as needed. Take for example, this podcast. I put off starting it for a long time. Until I decided I’d rather try it and fail than keep on thinking about it. Sure, there were a lot of technical aspects I didn’t know to consider until I started doing the podcast. And even though this is my 38th podcast, I still struggle with some aspects.

06:28:

I’m both okay with that and continue to want to do better. It’s better than the alternative of not starting because of too much planning.

Of course, one of the what ifs is what if I fail? But since this is one of the most common reasons for not starting, I want to treat it separately. And, if you are encountering this third challenge, fear of failure, it might be because you are over-identifying with creating the change you want, reaching your goal. That is, you may either consciously or subconsciously think of the outcome as a reflection of who you are as a person. So if you succeed, you’re a success. And, if you fail, you are a failure. Ouch!

If you’re holding this perspective, whether you are conscious of it or not, every time you don’t make the mark, fail at something, this just further cements your view of yourself as someone who’s not capable of succeeding. Because, well, you’re a failure. So you will be even less likely to attempt to make any changes.

07:44:

One antidote to this, as I mentioned before, is to be confident in your ability to pivot and address challenges along the way. Because things will go wrong along the way. And you might even gather enough information to indicate it’s time to stop pursuing the goal, the change. And that’s okay. The other antidote is to embrace failure. Yes, you heard that right. Really, embrace failure. Because, when you do this, you can be proud of yourself for stretching beyond your current capacity. And I think that’s pretty spectacular. So the next time you fail, consider it part of the process of experimenting, not a reflection on your character. Be compassionate with yourself. And then, only after you’ve given yourself compassion, become curious as to what went wrong. And then problem solve around how you want to proceed.

08:52:

What can help you do this is to have a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed mindset. To explore this, I’ll go back to the hypothetical case of Darius. Remember, he wanted to find a less stressful job. With a fixed mindset he might think: It is what it is. This is the way I’ve always been. There’s nothing I can change that will make this better. I just need to find a new job.

Whereas with a growth mindset, he might decide, before looking for another job, there are changes he could make at his current job to minimize his stress. But he is at a total loss as to how to figure this out, never mind creating a plan to address those challenges. As a former group member used to say to herself when learning something new, he might say in these instances: I don’t know how to do this, yet. The corollary to this is he can learn how to do it. Though he may need help. And it will likely not be easy.

10:05:

How might a growth mindset help you be confident in your ability to grow, learn and stretch beyond your limits to create a change you envision right now?

When you are stretching beyond your limits, it’s really important to remember that the process, while potentially appearing simple at the onset, is often not easy. While you may already know this on some level, as an ADHD adult you may also tend to want immediate gratification, a quick fix. If this is your tendency, remind yourself often that what you’re trying to do is not easy. Without this reminder, you may give up because of your, perhaps, unconscious belief that it should be easier.

The final tip, how offer is not about the challenge of starting and persisting in creating the change you want. But, rather it’s about the problematic nature of pursuing a goal, trying to create change, despite significant cost to you.

11:21:

A term for this coined by psychologist, Christopher Kayes, goalodicy or an idiotic goal. An extreme example of this was the 1996 Mount Everest disaster. Whereby decisions were made despite changing context that indicated it was not safe to climb certain paths or beyond a certain time in the day, resulting in the death of eight climbers, the most ever in a single day.

While the goals you may per be pursuing are likely not matters of life and death. You may still engage in goalodicy. I see ADHD adults do this all the time. Sometimes it’s because of an unexamined belief that it’s their fault if they’re not able to master every challenge along the way to reaching a goal. So when presented with new information and changing contexts, instead of considering whether it still makes sense to pursue the goal, they may. like the Mount Everest climbers, double down and try even harder. Even when it makes sense to change course or even quit.

12:42:

For more information about when it’s time to quit, you can check out my article, Are You Persisting in These Four Areas When It’s Better to Quit? You can find the link to the article with the podcast on my website.

Anyway, there are other reasons you may engage in goalodicy. It could be perfectionism, or the need to prove yourself, maybe it’s not trusting your decision-making skills or some other reason.

Let’s go back to the example of Darius to see how you might avoid this. Remember, again, Darius is stressed by his current job. He’s considering getting a new one. As is true, when most people start a new job, he necessarily needed to accept his current position with limited information. After all, you don’t know all the ins and outs of a job until you get into it, right? So, if after doing as much as was within his control to create a better environment for himself, it would be destructive, goalodicy to stay there, as long, of course, as he had other options.

So to avoid wasting your time and energy going down the wrong path. When you get new information that you didn’t have when you started and the context changes vis-a-vis a change you’re trying to create, pay attention, stop and reflect on that might inform what you want to do next.

14:29:

There is a lot involved in creating change in reaching your goals. It’s a balancing act, no doubt. You want to start off with clarity around your ultimate destination and be willing to pursue it despite the inevitable uncertainty. And at the same time, you also want to pay attention to new information along the way. And then be flexible enough to change course based on that new information. As Maya Angelou said: I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.

15:11:

That’s it for now. I’m really glad you joined me and stayed until the very end. If you’re interested in learning more about my work with adults with ADHD, I hope you’ll check out my website, marlacummins.com. Of course, if you’ve learned a thing or two from today’s podcast, which I hope you have, please also pass along the link to anyone else in your circles you think might benefit. And until next time, this has been Scattered, Focused, Done. And I’m Marla Cummins, wishing you all the very best on your journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD.