ADHD Accountability: How to Make It Work for You
Episode Summary: ADHD & Accountability Explained
Accountability can be a powerful support for adults with ADHD, but it only works if it’s set up in a way that matches your needs and your brain. Too often, people try accountability systems that leave them feeling pressured, shamed, or even more stuck.
In this episode, I’ll walk you through what ADHD accountability really is, the common pitfalls that make it backfire, and how to design an approach that actually helps you follow through.
You’ll hear strategies for building accountability that feel supportive, flexible, and effective, so you can use them as a tool rather than another source of stress.
What You’ll Learn About ADHD and Accountability
- Why traditional accountability can backfire for ADHD adults and what kind of accountability actually works
- The three types of ADHD accountability
- Strategies for using each type effectively
- How to create and use Accountability Partnerships that will work for you.
- Why curious accountability is so important for ADHD adults
Transcript: How ADHD Adults Can Use Accountability
(00:01):
Does hearing the word accountability give you the heebie-jeebies? What if the right kind of accountability could actually help you follow through?
You’ve tuned into Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins, an ADHD and productivity coach, and I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey toward finding your way to doing what matters most to you. Without trying to do it like everyone else, let’s start by looking at the language we use around accountability.
When you’re accountable, you’re, of course, responsible for following through on your commitments and for your actions, and when you choose to use accountability as part of the scaffolding that can help you follow through, you’re creating tools and structures to support yourself, whether they involve other people or not.
What makes accountability challenging for ADHD adults?
(00:58):
Of course, you’re responsible for your own follow-through, but suppose your experience with accountability has primarily involved being called out for dropping the ball or disappointing others. In that case, it makes sense that you might be leery of leveraging it as a helpful strategy.
And if it’s the language that’s tripping you up, you can change that. For example, one of our former group members used the term “accountabilibuddies” instead of accountability partner, and I’ll talk more about that later on. You could make up a term if you want, that doesn’t even have “accountability” in it at all. Focus instead on the idea of support.
In this podcast, I’m going to use the word accountability, but again, use whatever you’d like that works best for you. There are three types of accountability: personal accountability, public accountability, and accountability to others, including accountability partnerships.
How can ADHD adults strengthen personal accountability?
(01:55):
I’m guessing that when you think about accountability, personal accountability, being accountable to yourself, is not the first type that comes to mind. But while definitely challenging for adults with ADHD, it should be one of the tools in your toolbox because sometimes, as you know, that’s all you’ve got, so it’s helpful to make sure it’s as strong as it can be.
Right now, for example, you might put blocks of time in your calendar to work on specific projects, even set reminders. Then you see these blocks pass by and still don’t act. Then you might become frustrated and decide, “I guess it’s just not important to me.” I think it’s unlikely in most cases that the tasks you’re putting on your calendar aren’t important to you.
It’s more likely that your ADHD is at least in part responsible because of things like a tendency to give in to distractions, impulsiveness, trouble regulating your emotions and becoming easily frustrated, challenges with decision-making, and more.
(03:13):
But instead of deciding that you just can’t be accountable to yourself when it doesn’t immediately work for you, reflect on what may have gotten in the way, the friction points, and what you can do to reduce them. For example, if distractions are getting in your way, identify what those are and how you can minimize them.
You might try using noise-canceling headphones, an internet blocker for certain sites, turning off text and phone notifications except for certain people, looking at when you do certain types of work and scheduling that time differently so it works better for you.
Take enough breaks to recharge and reset, maybe exercising before work or midday, taking micro-breaks and doing something that will fuel your need for dopamine, maybe listening to music or a short exercise routine. And last, maybe it’s trying a mindfulness break to reduce frustration, such as deep breathing or a few minutes of meditation.
What is it that you might need to try to enhance your ability to use your personal accountability?
When does public accountability help or hurt?
(04:19):
The next type of accountability is public accountability. This is where you proclaim your intention with the hope that doing so will push you to follow through. Public accountability can be helpful for some people, but for adults with ADHD, I think it’s good to be cautious. While your intentions may be solid, inconsistency, as you well know, is often part of the ADHD experience.
Declaring your plans in a public forum, like on Facebook, where some people know you well but many are just casual acquaintances, can add extra pressure and stress. That stress doesn’t usually make follow-through easier if you’re fearful of failing to follow through in such a public way.
Of the three types of accountability, this is the one I’d recommend using carefully and selectively. If you’re very confident you can follow through, it might give you an added boost. But if you’re not sure, it may just feel more like a burden than support.
What are the different types of accountability to others?
(05:19):
The third type of accountability is accountability to others, and let’s break this down to see what it could look like. The one that you’re most familiar with is being accountable to, for example, your boss or your partner. You didn’t necessarily create these accountability partnerships to support you. They happen by default because of the nature of your relationship; you have to take out the garbage, right? And you do have to finish that report, so you are accountable to them.
These are ones that honestly might be the most stressful, especially if you have a history of dropping the ball. In these cases, it might be that you need to upgrade your skills to be able to honor your commitments in these contexts.
(06:15):
Yet there are contexts where proactively creating accountability in the right way can help you follow through, as long as they feel supportive and not potentially punitive.
For example, if your boss gives you a deadline for a task or project, you could build in check-ins along the way, even if your boss doesn’t ask for them. This might look like briefly checking in during each of your one-on-ones or sending an update each week. The advantage of having this type of accountability along the way is that it can help ensure that you’re aligned with their expectations and hopefully avoid things blowing up late in the game because you weren’t on track.
Or you could build accountability by simply telling your partner or somebody else in your household that you want to run every morning and asking them for a gentle nudge to remind you of why you want to do that, even though you may be dragging your feet to get out the door.
(07:23):
Another type of accountability you can build is body doubling. This is where you work at the same time as someone else, whether you are working on the same project or not. You could work with someone in a coffeehouse, in the yard, via Zoom, or in some other environment. And it can be somebody you know, or you could use a service like Focusmate, an online body doubling service that some of my clients swear by. I’ll include a link to it in the show notes with the podcast on my website.
You may also have check-in accountability, such as agreeing to have short 15-minute check-ins every week with your colleague to go through where each of you are on the project you’re working on and make sure there are no gaps.
Well, there are certainly ways to create accountability without the need for a lot of structure. You may also be interested in forming accountability partnerships that need a bit more planning to create the most helpful structure.
How do accountability partnerships support ADHD adults?
(08:23):
Accountability partnerships are a bit different. They are much more structured, personal, and offer ongoing mutual support. I think the most salient feature of these, the necessary foundation of a helpful accountability partnership, is the connection between you and the other person or people, where you feel safe, encouraged, and accepted. Once you have that, all the work that you do together to support each other in reaching your individual goals will be easier.
So in addition to feeling safe, encouraged, and accepted, you might also choose people with whom you have something particular in common, depending on what’s important to you right now and the purpose of the partnership. Of course, you may choose other adults with ADHD, people at the same life stage as you, with the same profession, aligned with your value system, or who share another interest.
(09:30):
For now, the next step is creating just enough structure so that it works for all the people in the group. Though I don’t expect, as you are listening to this podcast, that you’ll remember all the details of how to structure your meeting. I wanted to share just enough so that you can start to think about these details.
To start, how often and for how long are you going to meet? You could meet once a week for 45–60 minutes or less frequently, depending on what works best for everyone. Then, in terms of the structure of the meeting, you might start with a 10-minute check-in and update where everyone shares accountability items they have and a bit about how they’re doing since the last meeting. Then you could move into 30 minutes of support and brainstorming, where people bring topics to the group and ask for support, perhaps around problem-solving, brainstorming ideas, planning steps toward a goal, and, of course, addressing challenges related to your ADHD, or maybe just to provide a listening ear.
(10:39):
Then you might end with 5–10 minutes where everyone chooses one thing they’d like to report back on in the next session. When you do this, be very specific, such as “I’m going to write the introduction to my report.” And you might also share takeaways you have from the session. Again, these ideas are just meant to help you start thinking about how you might want to structure your partnership if you decide to have one.
There are two important points to remember about forming accountability partnerships. One is that it’s really important to use curious accountability. That is, when you and the other members of your group report in on the progress of whatever you’re working on, whether it’s your exercise routine or the course you’re developing, remember, it’s not about pass or fail. When you only focus on whether you succeeded in doing exactly what you said you were going to do, it can be really stressful and diminish the helpfulness of the group.
(11:39):
I think part of the beauty of these groups is that you get to come back and say, “Here’s what worked, here’s what didn’t work,” and then help each other as you iterate and go forward. So often, particularly for adults with ADHD, the focus is on the success/fail binary as opposed to focusing on the continuum of incrementally progressing toward your goal.
The other point is that there’s helpfulness in just processing aloud and being heard. I encourage you not to feel compelled to try to solve any problems during each session, necessarily. Sometimes just being able to share aloud with your group will help you move forward in the long run.
What I hope you’ve learned from today’s podcast is that accountability doesn’t need to feel scary or punitive. While often difficult for adults with ADHD, strengthening your ability to use personal accountability can help you act when no one else is watching. Public accountability, which can be helpful, should be approached with caution. Accountability to others, especially accountability partnerships, can provide the support, structure, and encouragement you need to follow through more consistently while also feeling safe and understood.
(13:11):
That’s it for now. I’m really glad you joined me. If this resonated with you and you want to hear more strategies for working with your ADHD, hit like and follow so you don’t miss future episodes about what reimagining productivity with ADHD could look like for you. Also, share this with the people in your circle who you think might benefit.
Until next time, this has been Reimagining Productivity with ADHD. I’m Marla Cummins, and I’m so glad you’re here doing the work.
ADHD Related Links & Resources
- Learn how to plan better with my Free Guide: 6 Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make
- Need a little extra focus? Try Focusmate to work alongside someone in real time and boost your follow-through.
- Ready for individualized support? Let’s talk about 1-1 ADHD coaching
