ADHD and Willpower: Here Is the Better Alternative
Episode Summary
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I just need to do it,” this episode shows why that message backfires with ADHD—and what to do instead. I break down willpower into “I will, I won’t, I want,” and then explain how ADHD-related executive function challenges make brute force unreliable. The point isn’t to try harder; it’s to get smarter about support.
You’ll learn how to swap sheer effort for the right resources: fuel (sleep, movement, food, water), guardrails (cue control, added friction, pre-commitments), and people/tools (accountability, calendars, clear next steps). We’ll cover simple ways to start what matters, interrupt unhelpful impulses, and keep long-term goals present—so follow-through becomes easier, more consistent, and a lot less personal.
What You’ll Learn About Willpower and ADHD
- Why ADHD-related executive function challenges—not character flaws—make “just try harder” an unreliable plan.
- How to replace brute willpower with the right resources—fuel and guardrails from people, tools, and systems.
- Ways to stop unhelpful impulses (doom-scrolling, snacking, reflexive email) by removing cues and adding friction.
- How to start and sustain “I will” actions using accountability, calendars, clear next steps, and the right stimulation.
- How to keep long-term “I want” goals present by making your why visible, tracking progress, and pre-committing so the next step is easiest.
Transcript:
(00:01):
How many times have you told yourself, “I just need to do it,” or maybe, “I just need to try harder”? You’ve tuned into Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins, an ADHD and productivity coach, and I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey toward finding your way to doing what matters most to you without trying to do it like everyone else.
Recently, I was meeting with a client who wanted to get back to exercising. As we were talking, he said, “I just need to do it,” as if that settled things. But after years of hearing that phrase, I knew what he really meant was power through or use his willpower, and if willpower really worked, he’d already be doing it, which is what I told him.
(01:01):
So instead of ending there, we talked about what kinds of support or resources he could access to help him follow through, and he decided to reach out to a friend to both be his accountability partner and to check in each day, and maybe to occasionally exercise together. So what is willpower? In this adapted definition from Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist and author of The Willpower Instinct, it is the ability to control your attention, emotions, and desires so you can do what matters most to you, even when part of you doesn’t want to.
That’s the framework I’m going to use today. And she further breaks it down into three parts. As you’re listening to these parts and the rest of the episode, think about one challenge you have right now that falls into one of these categories. First, there is the “I will” power, doing more of the things you want to do because they improve your life.
(02:06):
Think about starting a workout, a project, making that call. The second category is the “I won’t” power, saying no to the habits or impulses that go against what’s important to you. That could be late-night scrolling, the extra drink, or checking email when you really meant to focus on something else. And the third one is the “I want” power, remembering the bigger, longer-term goals you care about most and letting those guide the choices you make every day.
So what challenge did you pick? McGonigal goes on to point out that the best way to improve your self-control is to see how and why you lose control, because she notes when you do that, you can support yourself and avoid the traps that lead to willpower failures. In fact, she says that self-knowledge, especially how you find yourself in willpower trouble, is the foundation of self-control.
(03:12):
And she goes on to say that these instances of loss of self-control are not individual weaknesses that reveal personal inadequacies, but rather they’re universal experiences and just part of the human condition. I love this acknowledgment because it is one of the core principles of self-compassion, and as an adult with ADHD, self-compassion around your challenges is critical to finding the motivation to address these challenges.
Let’s pause for a moment and look at the connection between willpower and ADHD. First, the system that regulates attention, emotion, and impulse, the thing that makes willpower possible, is the brain’s executive-function network in the prefrontal cortex. And as I’m sure you’ve heard many times, because of the lack of dopamine and norepinephrine, the neurotransmitters’ signaling in this network is often, well, inefficient, which makes the system less reliable. So what does this look like in real life?
(04:22):
It looks like trouble with the “I will” side, initiating and persisting; challenges with the “I won’t,” which is inhibiting impulses; and an inconsistent “I want,” holding long-term goals in mind when the “now” is just louder. So when you, as an ADHD adult, say, “I just need to do it,” code for “I need more willpower,” you’re asking a compromised executive system to do a job that is, well, a little wonky and just not as effective as your neurotypical peers.
I know that sounds like bad news, but actually having this awareness, and hopefully acceptance, can help you create the support you need to have better self-control, willpower. Because remember what I said earlier, and I think it’s worth repeating, that the foundation of self-control and best way to improve is self-knowledge, especially how you find yourself in willpower trouble. So here’s the bottom line.
(05:28):
Your ADHD makes it harder to use your willpower, that is, execute on what you will, won’t, or want to do. That just means you need to be more creative about assembling the right resources to support you. But before I share different ways you could do that, I want you to consider trying on a new perspective as it relates to your understanding of willpower.
Right now, you may think of it as something internal that you need to engineer on your own, and you may even think of it as binary, either you have it or you don’t. I propose that instead of thinking of willpower as an internal engine, think of it as setting the GPS: I will do this, I won’t do that, I want to do this, and then using different resources to provide the fuel and guardrails to keep you on the road to your goal.
(06:23):
The strategies that I’ll share in a moment to do this are probably ones that you’ve heard about, and you just need to think holistically as you put together a system that works for you. I’ll organize the strategies under “I will,” “I won’t,” and “I want.” Some of them may be useful in another category, though, so please feel free, of course, to use whatever strategy will work. While, of course, this won’t be an exhaustive list, what I’m hoping is that the examples I’ll share will serve to help you get started and also spark ideas of your own that may help you.
Let’s start with the things you say, “I will.” This might be a work task or project, a self-care routine like nutrition, exercise, or mindfulness, or something relational like scheduling dedicated time with someone important in your life. Whatever it is, here are a few considerations for enhancing the chances that you’ll be able to follow through when you say “I will.”
(07:21):
First, of course, check in with your sleep, exercise, nutrition, water, all the things that nourish your body and help you get started. Maybe it would help to join a class for exercise or engage with a nutritionist to get a solid plan. Do you need to see a sleep specialist? Then, of course, take stock of your mental health. Do you have the support you need, maybe a therapist, a support group, or close friends, so your emotions don’t derail you as you try to begin?
Do you need help in choosing and using tools that can help you persist and follow through when you say “I will”? Are the activities that help you reach your goals in your calendar? Do you have them clearly broken down in a task manager so you can see at least your next few actions?
(08:16):
How about a body double, someone who works as you work on your task, or an accountability partner with whom you can check in and provide support? Or maybe it’s a group of people who have the same goals, such as an exercise group or a political action group. Resources to help you get the right amount of stimulation are also important, particularly for ADHD adults. That might be a standing desk, perhaps with a walking treadmill under your desk.
That could also be music. I had one client who used to do her work with a TV show going on in the background; she didn’t watch it; she just listened to it. It worked for her. Then again, to get the stimulation you need, you could choose something from what is known as a DOPA menu. I’ll include a link to an example with the podcast on my website.
(09:09):
Think of a task where you say, “I will,” and what resources might help make getting started realistic without relying on brute willpower. Okay, let’s talk about “I won’t,” where you might need to add friction. Instead of relying on brute willpower, maybe you’ve said to yourself, “I won’t check email so frequently. I won’t eat more cookies. I won’t scroll in bed.” And again, remember that whatever strategies I share with you in this category, you may find helpful in another.
One way to make it easier to stop doing something is to remove the cue. For example, if you want to have a treat of a couple of cookies, you could take those each night and then put the cookies in this thing called a K-Safe, and you set the timer to lock it until the next evening, when you can take out your cookies and then lock it again.
(10:08):
When you go to bed, you may put your phone in another room so that you won’t have easy access to it, and maybe you also set a website blocker to block sites that you usually go to. Yes, I know, of course you can always get around this, but at least it gives you a moment to consider whether that’s what you want to do. Another way to add a little friction to going right to a website is to log out of it, so the next time you have to sign in.
Maybe you have an accountability buddy that you text when you put your phone away. And when you say you won’t, it’s not just about stopping one thing; it’s also helpful to replace it with something else. If there’s something you’re currently doing at a specific time, reading the news, playing computer chess, shopping online, etc., perhaps in the late afternoon when your energy dips, could you instead replace that with maybe a short walk, listening to music, writing in a journal, or something else?
(11:11):
If your goal is to stop overeating, maybe you join a group like Weight Watchers that includes a coach, a weekly group, and an app to track your food. For “I won’t” moments, don’t argue with the impulse, outsmart it. Add friction, use accountability, and replace what you want to stop with something you want to do. The third and last category is the “I want” power. This means remembering your bigger, longer-term goals and keeping those in mind as you make your day-to-day choices that will allow you to achieve that goal.
Because, like many ADHD adults, there tends to be “now” and “not now,” so this may be challenging for you. You focus on what’s right in front of you unless you incorporate ways to bring the future into the present. For example, maybe you have a card on your nightstand that says, “I’m building stamina so future me at 50, 60, 70, and beyond can be as active as possible,” to encourage you to do cardio, flexibility, and strength training exercises now.
(12:21):
Who knows, maybe you even put an aged, AI-generated picture of you next to it. Alternatively, you could create a vision board that details the life of your future self, which might include relationships, money, health, or whatever else is important to you. If you’re concerned about your future financial health, you might have a block of time each week to review your finances with a checklist that includes reminders of your long-term goals, whether that’s saving for a trip, retirement, or maybe emergencies.
And then again, maybe you have a regular appointment with your financial planner. Making your progress visible, whether that’s an app to track different aspects of what you’re eating, your movement each day, or writing progress, is helpful for some people. It could also be on a wall calendar or an electronic calendar, or any other relevant app. I know, though, for some people, tracking can be motivating,
(13:22):
while for others it can feel like just a lot of pressure. You can experiment to see if it works for you. Another way to rely less on force is to pre-commit. For example, when it comes to finances, you may have money automatically transferred to a particular type of savings account. You might also pre-commit with the added layer of accountability by having standing body-doubling sessions to work on a particular task, such as maybe a paper, so that the work time needed to reach your long-term goal happens by default.
To remind you of your long-term goal, you could add a phrase to a regular block of time in your calendar. For example, one of my clients added “Be a pro,” which meant be a professional, to his administrative time in his calendar to remind him that he wanted his colleagues to see him as a professional, and so he needed to respond to emails regularly, and it worked.
(14:29):
It’s often hard, as I mentioned earlier, for the future to win against the now unaided for ADHD adults. So think of a long-term goal you have now. How can you make your progress visible? What kind of accountability might be helpful? And where can you see the reason you want to achieve it? What I hope you’re taking away from this episode is that “I just need to do it” is really code for “I’m asking willpower to do all the work,” and that’s not a character flaw, it’s just a mismatch between what willpower can do and how ADHD actually works.
Willpower, as I defined it, is setting “I will, I won’t, I want.” The execution, though, lives in resources, fuel and guardrails, not in gritting your teeth harder. Because ADHD affects the reliability of the executive system, “try harder” is the least reliable plan. Building supports, though, is the smarter plan.
(15:44):
So instead of asking more from yourself, ask more for yourself. What fuel do you need? What guardrails could help? Which tools make it easier? Who can stand beside you? And as you reflect on today’s episode, go ahead and choose one goal and pick either the fuel, the tool, the person, or the guardrail that you need. Start there. Notice what helps. Adjust next week. And remember, the win isn’t perfect control; it’s about designing an environment where the next right step is the easiest one to take.
That’s it for now. If this resonated with you and you want to hear more strategies for working with your ADHD, please follow the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes, and click “like” so other people who might benefit might find it more easily. Until next time, this has been Reimagining Productivity with ADHD. I’m Marla Cummins, reminding you that ADHD doesn’t define you, but how you work with it can shape what’s possible.
ADHD and Willpower Related Links & Resources
- Learn how to plan better with my Free Guide: 6 Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make
- ADHD adults can use the Kitchen Safe as a tool to precommit to smart choices.
- The dopamenu for ADHD adults includes suggestions for different types of dopamine to act as external sources of reward.
- If you are interested in learning more about Kelly McGonigal’s ideas around willpower, check out her book The Willpower Instinct.
- Listen to ADHD Accountability: How to Make It Work for You to learn more about how to create helpful accountability
