Marla Cummins

ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant

ADHD and Solving “Insurmountable” Problems

by

 

adhd and insurmountable problems

Can you think of a time when you were worrying about an issue, but not doing anything about it? Just worrying…

I mean the kind of worrying that seems to take over your brain; it is like a record that is stuck playing over and over again. Some call it ruminating or perseverating. Maybe you are even doing this right now.

If you are an adult with ADHD, you can’t afford to rent out this valuable real estate in your head. You have too much on your plate that you want to accomplish to devote your time and energy to just worrying.

If you feel stuck and are tired of thoughts flooding your mind, there really are steps you can take to make a molehill out of what seems to be a mountain

Process Aloud

Maybe you are not ready to create a solution for whatever is worrying you. Maybe you just want to talk and be heard. That is ok. Let your family member, friend, coach or therapist know that is what you need.

And when you are ready to be more proactive, you may ask for help looking at your thoughts more critically. Often it helps to process aloud with the help of someone else. Below are some ways to do this.

Is It A Problem?

The first step is to figure out if it is something that needs a solution.

Sometimes the answer to our problems is a change in our perspective. Remember the serenity prayer?

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Of course, things are not often black and white; you will need to decide what you want to work on changing and what you want to accept.

So, ask yourself: “Do I want to devote the time and energy necessary to resolving this or do I want  to adopt the attitude of  “it is what it is.”

“Smaller” Issues

The time and energy we spend worrying about an issue is not necessarily directly correlated to its magnitude.

So, if you find yourself spending a great deal of time worrying about even relatively smaller issues and it is affecting your ability to attend to what you really want to do, the first step is to create a plan to address it.

For example, maybe you are worrying about particular emails that you have been putting off responding to. You may be procrastinating because:

  • you don’t know how to respond.
  • you think it might cause you more work.
  • you are frustrated with the sender.
  • other

We’ve all had emails like this.

Time to create a plan and move forward. Your plan might include:

  • setting a goal of sending some sort of response within 24 hours
  • opening it, if you have not yet
  • figuring out what the sender is really requesting
  • asking clarifying questions of the sender, if you are unclear about any part of it
  • finding out more information from others, if needed
  • writing a draft, but waiting 24 hours to send, if you feel it would be good to review
  • asking for help

Having a plan can help stop the thoughts from just swirling about in your head and get you into action.

“Larger” Worries

Sometimes your worries are not about specific tasks, like responding to emails, but about larger life issues.

However small or large your worry, knowing that you can figure it out, can help minimize the amount of time you spend worrying about it.

Below are some examples of statements you may make and questions you can ask yourself to begin to be more proactive about an issue.

“I can’t do____ well.”

 Is this something that I want to learn how to do better? If it is, what resources can I access so I can learn to do “it” better.

“I have too much to do and I’ll never get everything done. I don’t even have time to spend with my family and friends.”

What are my priorities? What do I want to keep on my plate or put on my “maybe    someday” list? Alternatively, are there tasks I can delete because I really don’t intend on doing  them? Do I need to support to figure this out?

“I hate my job…”

What is bothering me about my job? Is there something that I have control over that I can change to make my job better for me? Am I willing to have a conversation with my boss or colleague to try to address the issue that is bothering me?

If the issue that is bothering me is not within my control or I don’t want to address it, do I want to work on “accepting what is”? Is it time to make a graceful exit?

When you have a plan you will feel more in control of the situation and less reactive.

Willing To Experiment

But, of course, even if you have a plan, you are not in control of all of the factors involved in a successful outcome.

And sometimes wanting the perfect outcome may keep you stuck from even trying to resolve an issue you are worrying about. Seeing your plan as an experiment can help you not be attached to the plan itself and more willing to try and change course, if necessary.

ADDed Perspectives Bottom Line

Just as Rome was not built in a day, many problems are not solved in a day.

Of course, it takes time and energy to be thoughtful about how you want to address your worries. And, as an adult with ADHD, you may feel like you don’t have time to plan. After all, you already feel that you have too much on your plate, right?

If this is the case for you, it is helpful to think about how worrying robs you of the time you could be spending on your personal and professional pursuits. What if you used this time to create a plan forward?

Though it might be nice to become worry free, for most of us this is not a realistic goal. But you can spend less time just having troublesome thoughts swirl about in your head.

 

0
Could this info help someone in your circles? Pass it along!

Do You Have Trouble Following Through?

Get your FREE special report now and learn about Six Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make (and how to fix them).

You'll also receive ADHD management tips in the ADDed Perspectives Newsletter.

Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do. Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability. Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course. Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive… Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try.  She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations. The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things.  Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer. When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame! Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choices that are right for me and learn strategies that last a life time is invaluable to me. The investment was certainly worth it. From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD. If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally. I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life. I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately. I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore. Thanks again for all your help.  Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers. Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our work I clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions.  Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change. For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work. I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily. I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control. Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost. At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it. More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent. Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively. She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open. She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical. Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well. She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing. After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.

— Marc D., Software Engineer

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try. After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem. Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally. Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist