Ready to Change Your Habits and Stop Operating on Autopilot?

Episode Summary

Many adults with ADHD find themselves repeating the same behaviors without stopping to ask whether those habits are actually helping them. While some habits make life easier, others quietly keep you stuck, making it harder to follow through on your goals.

In this episode, we explore why habits form, how ADHD can make them harder to change, and why simply trying harder rarely works. You’ll also learn how becoming more aware of your automatic behaviors can help you make more intentional choices.

Whether you find yourself reaching for your phone, procrastinating on difficult tasks, or getting pulled off track by distractions, this episode will help you understand why these habits persist and what it really takes to change them.

What You’ll Learn About Changing Habits With ADHD

• Why habits become automatic and how your brain decides which behaviors to repeat.
• Why immediate rewards often outweigh long-term goals for adults with ADHD.
• How to recognize when you’re operating on autopilot instead of making intentional choices.
• Questions to ask yourself to uncover the reward that’s keeping a habit in place.
• How Judson Brewer’s Bigger Better Offer can help you choose habits your brain is more likely to repeat.
• Why creating support is often the missing piece for ADHD adults in making lasting behavior change.

(00:00):

We all operate on autopilot sometimes, but have you ever stopped to think about the ways it may be getting in your way?

You’ve tuned into Reimagining productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults
like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins, an ADHD coach and executive function coach.

And I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey toward finding your way to doing what matters most to you without trying to do it like everyone else.

Operating on autopilot isreally just obviously operating out of habit. And the question you’ll want to ask yourself isn’t whether it’s a good habit or a bad habit,
rather the most helpful question is, is this habit, whichever one you’re thinking of, serving me or not?

(01:03):

Sometimes operating on autopilot is incredibly helpful. It reduces the cognitive load of having to think through every step. An obvious example is tying your shoes. You do it without thinking through all the steps. But sometimes we’re operating on autopilot in ways that don’t serve us.

We just keep repeating the same behavior over and over again without thinking about whether it’s helping us or not. So someone cuts you off in traffic and you react, or you automatically reach for your phone when a task starts to feel uncomfortable.

In this episode, we’ll explore first, how you can become more aware of where you’re running on autopilot, and then to ask yourself whether those habitual
ways of operating are serving you. And last, what can help you change
them if you choose to?

How Do ADHD Adults Form Habits?

(02:03):

Let’s start with understanding how habits form. As you have different experiences, your brain is constantly learning what feels rewarding and what doesn’t. If something is rewarding, whether it feels good in the moment or gives you temporary relief from something uncomfortable, you’re more likely to repeat it.

And with enough repetition, as you probably already know, the behavior becomes so automatic that you may not even consciously be aware that you’re doing
it or why you’re doing it. It’s simply a habit. You wake up and reach for your phone and start scrolling or playing Wordle day after day.

Even though you’ve probably thought to yourself on occasion about some of
these habits, that getting up and starting your day or maybe even exercising might be a better choice. And we all do this full transparency. I wake up and look at my phone. And yes, it has occurred to me many times that putting my phone out of reach would be a better option.

How Does ADHD Contribute to Habit Formation?

(03:14):

I don’t think it’s the best way for me to start my morning. You too? Any behavior that provides some kind of reward has the potential to become a habit. The problem is that in my example of reaching for my phone first thing in the morning, my brain isn’t asking, is this helping me become the person I wanna be?

It has simply learned that this feels good right now. Let’s do that again. And after enough repetition, the behavior has become a habit on autopilot.

And while the process of forming habits and then operating on autopilot is the same for everyone, ADHD can certainly make it harder to change the habits that you decide no longer serve you.

As you’ve probably heard before, for adults with ADHD, there’s often now and not now. In other words, immediate rewards tend to carry more weight than rewards you’ll receive sometime in the future.

(04:22):

One possibility is limited working memory. When we’re making decisions in the moment, it can be harder to keep our long-term goals in mind. And if those goals aren’t as available, immediate rewards naturally have a stronger influence. Also, think about what has to happen to interrupt a habit. You have to notice what you’re about to do.

Pause long enough to consider another option and keep your long-term goal in mind while you make that decision. These are all the executive function skills you may find challenging because of your ADHD. So it can be harder to unlearn a habit once it has become automatic.

I just want you to be aware that your ADHD may make it a little harder to change habits that no longer serve you. It doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t. It just means it may take a little more time and you may need a little bit more support.

What Types of Habits Are Common for Adults with ADHD?

(05:29):

Of course, adults with ADHD develop different habits, but there are some patterns that I see over and over again in my practice. And as I share these with you, notice how each one provides some type of reward.

And consider what rewards you may be getting from similar habits or perhaps different ones that you have. Let’s start with a situation most of us have experienced.

You’re faced with a task that feels uncomfortable. Maybe you’re not sure how to get started. Maybe it feels overwhelming. Maybe you’re worried you won’t do it well. Or maybe you just simply resent having to do it.

Some people may try to escape by picking up their phone, maybe doing an easier task, or turning to some other type of work entirely. And while they’re focusing on something else, they may tell themselves, “I’ll do it later,” referring to the task that they’re avoiding.

(06:41):

Though usually they don’t decide when later is. They really just mean not now.

(06:49):

And the reward, of course, is immediate relief from having to face the task and figure out whatever feels difficult about it. Other people, however, when faced with a task that feels uncomfortable, do the exact opposite.

Instead of avoiding it, they jump right in without thinking carefully about the best way to approach it. They just start. And for some, if perfectionism has become a habit, they spend so much time trying to get the first step exactly right, that they never really make much progress on the task as a whole.

The reward might be the feeling that they’re making progress or that they won’t forget to do it. Or if perfectionism is part of the picture, that they won’t fail.

Unfortunately, in these instances, as you know, you may end up making mistakes, overlooking important details, or just simply getting stuck. And then you have to spend even more time redoing the work later.

(07:59):

I also see patterns around responding to messages throughout the day, whether it’s a text, an email, or notifications from Teams or voicemail. And I often hear two different patterns. Some people react to every incoming message as soon as it arrives. Sometimes the reward for that is just satisfying their curiosity.

For others, it’s the relief of knowing that they’re not missing something important. But all that task switching, again, as you probably know, pulls your attention away from what you’re trying to accomplish in the first place. Then some people may do the opposite.

They avoid looking at messages because they’re afraid of opening Pandora’s box. Because once they read it, they may have to make a decision or take an action. And if they’re already feeling overwhelmed, they don’t want to add one more thing to think about. Again, the reward is immediate relief. They don’t have to take on
the cognitive load of deciding what to do next.

(09:10):

And I probably don’t have to tell you what happens when those messages keep getting ignored. So I’m sure you can think of other ways you operate on autopilot that may not be serving you right now. What all of these examples have in common is that what’s rewarding in the short term isn’t always helpful in the long-term.

In fact, these automatic habits can gradually move you further away from your long-term goals. So what can you do about it? Let’s turn our attention to that by first looking at how you can begin to notice these patterns. And one of the
ways to do this is through mindfulness.

Now, when I say mindfulness, some of you are probably thinking, great. Marla’s gonna tell me I need to meditate. And if you’re like many adults with ADHD, you may have already decided that meditation isn’t for you because your brain is always scanning the horizon for the next interesting thing.

What Is Mindfulness for Adults with ADHD?

(10:18):

But mindfulness and meditation aren’t the same thing. Meditation is certainly one way to practice mindfulness, but it’s certainly not the only way. And while I think meditation can be helpful, in this episode, I wanna focus on mindfulness more broadly because it’s something you can practice throughout your day, whether you decide to meditate or not.

At its core, mindfulness is simply being aware of what’s happening in the present moment. It’s noticing. For example, I became aware that I interrupted people a lot when they were telling a story, mostly because I was just so curious and had so many questions.

But I realized that if I simply let them finish, many of those questions would probably get answered. It also made them feel more like I was listening to them. It had just become a habit. Now I notice the urge to ask questions and I remind myself to wait.

(11:26):

It’s not easy, but it’s getting better. In fact, I recently asked a friend who I’ve had for more than 35 years while she was telling a story whether I was interrupting too much. And much to my surprise, honestly, she said she’d noticed that I actually interrupt a lot less. I guess I’m making progress.

For you, maybe you can begin noticing that you pick up your phone the moment a task starts to feel uncomfortable. Or that you immediately open your email or respond to a Slack message without ever asking yourself whether it needed your attention right then.

That may not sound like much, but it’s actually a really important first step if you’re ready to change the habits that are no longer serving you. Because when we’re on autopilot, we’re not paying attention to these habits. And if we’re not aware of them in the moment, we obviously can’t choose to do something different.

(12:30):

So what’s one habit you want to start paying attention to?

What Is The Reward ADHD Adults Get From Habits That Don’t Serve Them?

(12:37):

Once you start practicing greater awareness of when you’re acting on autopilot, the next step is to simply become curious. Instead of asking yourself, why do I keep doing this in a frustrated or judgmental way? Try asking a different question, which is, what’s motivating me to engage in this habit?

Or another way of asking that is, what’s the reward I’m getting for this? Remember, your brain repeats behaviors that provide some type of reward. And again, that’s how these habits have become automatic for you. So let’s go back to the examples we talked about earlier.

When you picked up your phone because a task felt uncomfortable, what happened to that discomfort? At least temporarily, it probably became a little easier to tolerate because your attention shifted somewhere else. That temporary relief was the reward.

And when you told yourself, I’ll do it later, what happened? You also probably experienced some relief because you no longer had to deal with the task right then.

(13:52):

Again, that’s the reward. Or when you immediately checked your email or responded to a Slack message, what were you getting? Maybe it satisfied your curiosity. Or maybe it relieved the uncertainty of wondering what the message said. Or maybe it simply felt more interesting than the work you were doing.

Once you’ve identified the reward your brain is getting from a habit, the next step is to look for what psychiatrist and neuroscientist Judson Brewer calls the bigger,
better offer. And that is the more rewarding experience your brain gets from choosing a new habit, one that will help you hopefully reach your long-term goals.

If you’re still with me, my guess is that very little of what I’ve said so far is new. And maybe as you’ve been listening, you already thought of a habit you’d like to change. But coming up with the bigger, better offer is where many adults with ADHD really get stuck.

How Can ADHD Adults Find A Bigger, Better Reward And Make Good Habits Stick?

(15:04):

Maybe you already know you’d like to stop reaching for your phone every time a task feels uncomfortable. Instead, stick with it to figure out what the challenge is. Or maybe you know you’d like to get out of bed first thing in the morning instead of scrolling or playing Wordle. Knowing usually isn’t the problem for you, I bet.

It’s the doing again and again, so that we follow through often enough that the new behavior becomes the habit instead of the old one.

(15:36):

Let’s go back to the examples we talked about earlier. Suppose you’ve noticed that every time a task feels uncomfortable, you pick up your phone. And you realize the reward, at least temporarily, is that yes, your discomfort goes away.

The bigger, better offer might be the satisfaction, relief and sense of momentum you experience when you untangle whatever challenge you’re facing in the moment. Instead of escaping the discomfort, you discover that figuring out the next step and moving forward is even more rewarding.

But here’s the really important thing that I want you to hear loudly. You will also need to create the support and scaffolding to make this happen. Because
remember, for adults with ADHD, it’s difficult to unlearn these old habits and learn these new ones. So what does this look like?

It might mean putting your phone in another room before you begin. It might also
include a body doubling session, whether with someone you know or using
an online service like Focusmate, so that when you hit a speed bump, that moment of discomfort, perhaps you’ll sit with it long enough to figure out what you need to do next rather than reaching for your phone.

(17:08):

So think about the other example of checking email, text or Slack every time a notification appears. Earlier we talked about how the reward, again, is maybe satisfying your curiosity or relieving the uncertainty of wondering what the message says.

A bigger, better offer might be the feeling of calm and control that comes from staying focused on the task in front of you instead of constantly switching your
attention. Finishing what you’re working on before checking your messages becomes more rewarding than satisfying your curiosity every time a notification appears.

And to support yourself in doing this, maybe you close your inbox while you’re doing focused work. Or maybe you let your coworkers know that you’ll respond at certain times unless something is truly urgent. I think this is the piece many adults with ADHD overlook, and that is finding ways to support their efforts to do
this instead of trying to use willpower.

(18:19):

We spend a lot of time trying to figure out the better habit, but just not enough time asking what support do I need to help me practice that habit often enough for it to become my new autopilot? So what support would make it easier for you to change a habit that is no longer serving you?

What I hope you’re taking away from this episode is that changing habits isn’t about having more willpower. It’s really about noticing when you’re operating on autopilot, understanding the reward your brain is getting for it.

And then if it’s a habit that really is not serving you, finding a bigger, better offer, as well as creating enough support to help that new habit that you want become your default. That’s it for now. If this resonated with you and you’re feeling like you need more help applying what you know, you might consider joining my ADHD support and education group.

(19:27):

It’s a weekly virtual live group where we focus on real life challenges and you get strategies and support from people who really get what you’re dealing with, as well as from me. If that sounds like something you’ll find helpful, you can learn more about it at marlacummins.com/member. I’ll also include the link in the show notes.

And until next time, this has been Reimagining Productivity with ADHD.
I’m Marla Cummins, reminding you that ADHD doesn’t define you, but how
you work with it can shape what’s possible.

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Resources To Help ADHD Adults Form Habits

• Learn how to plan better with my Free Guide: 6 Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make.
• Join other adults with ADHD and Marla in this virtual live adult ADHD education and support group.
• Learn from Dr. Jud Brewer how ADHD adults can break bad habits with kindness and curiosity.

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