ADHD and Overcommitting: How to Decide What Matters

Episode Summary

Why do ADHD adults overcommit, even when they already feel overwhelmed?

In this episode, you’ll learn why saying yes in the moment can feel easy, but following through later can feel stressful, confusing, or even impossible. Many adults with ADHD struggle with time blindness, working memory challenges, emotional impulsivity, and difficulty thinking ahead, all of which can make it harder to evaluate commitments before agreeing to them.

This episode walks you through a practical way to stop overcommitting by using two core tools, a calendar and a task manager, along with a weekly planning process to help you see your real capacity more clearly.

You’ll also learn how to make more intentional decisions about commitments by considering your time, energy, priorities, and the trade-offs involved.

If you tend to say yes too quickly, feel regret afterward, or struggle to follow through on what you’ve committed to, this episode will help you slow down your decision-making and choose more deliberately.

What You’ll Learn About ADHD and Overcommitting

• Why ADHD adults overcommit and then feel overwhelmed or regret saying yes
• How to stop overcommitting when you already feel like you have too much to do
• Why you may say yes in the moment and feel anxious or stuck afterward
• How to break the cycle of overcommitment, avoidance, guilt, and last-minute stress
• What to do before committing so you can make a clearer, more intentional decision

Transcript

(00:03): Why Do ADHD Adults Overcommit and Then Feel Overwhelmed?

If you feel stuck in a cycle of enthusiastic overcommitment, sometimes followed by stress and overwhelm when you’re not able to keep up, or maybe you feel anxious whenever you make a commitment, this episode is for you.

You’ve tuned into Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults like you who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired.

I’m Marla Cummins, an ADHD coach and executive function coach, and I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey toward finding your way to doing what matters most without trying to do it like everyone else.

So let’s start at the beginning. For this episode, I’m including all sorts of commitments that take up your time and energy.

(01:05):

That may include projects or tasks at home, at work, or in your community, which might involve volunteering or helping out your neighbors. These commitments might also include social invitations, engaging in a new hobby, or other activities you’re considering adding to your plate.

Of course, questions about work may include things like looking for a new job or deciding whether to accept a promotion. So as you’re listening to this episode, think about the areas of your life where you may want to rethink how much time and energy you’re committing.

In this episode, when I talk about commitment decisions, I’m referring to whether you decide to take something on or not. I’m not going to talk about how to follow through on that commitment or prioritize it day to day or week to week.

(02:12):

Of course, those are questions you’ll need to answer once you make the commitment. For this episode, the types of questions I’m asking you to reflect on are: Should I take this on? Should I commit to this? Should I decline this? Should I pursue this opportunity?

It’s that critical moment when you say yes or no, or perhaps not yet. You’re already doing this, but I’m hoping that after you listen, you’ll be able to do it more intentionally.

Here’s a composite description of how ADHD adults I’ve worked with sometimes describe their habit of overcommitting.

(03:22):

First, I feel some sense of enthusiasm or obligation when I’m about to say yes to something. Occasionally, I’ll give some thought to how I should answer, but often there’s not much space between the thought and my answer.

Sometimes I’ll have an immediate sense of regret because I know I have too much on my plate, but I also feel like there’s no going back. Other times, I don’t realize I’ve taken on too much until I fully understand what’s required.

Then I tell myself, “I just have to do it,” even though I don’t really have a plan for how that’s going to happen.

(04:21):

So I might take it on wholeheartedly and forget the other things I need to do. Other times, I try to avoid thinking about it or doing it, but still feel an undercurrent of shame that I’m not following through.

Then I might scramble at the last minute to complete it or drop the commitment altogether, sometimes without telling anyone.

Then I tell myself I have to stop doing this. I have to stop saying yes when I’m already overloaded. And the cycle repeats itself.

So, does any part of this resonate with you?

(04:50): How Does ADHD Affect Decision-Making and Saying Yes Too Quickly?

Since this is a podcast for ADHD adults, let’s talk about how overcommitting may be related to your ADHD.

One possibility is that making decisions quickly in the moment can be hard. As a result, even when you’re unsure, you may say yes because you don’t want to disappoint someone, or because you don’t know what you want to say.

It also doesn’t help that many environments expect quick answers. When you’re already juggling a lot and thinking on the spot is hard, it can feel easier to just say yes.

(06:09):

Also, since estimating time may be a challenge, you may not know how long something will take. ADHD adults often both underestimate and overestimate time, so you may underestimate what’s required and then later feel surprised.

There are also times when emotional regulation plays a role. Excitement or interest in the moment may lead you to say yes before you’ve thought things through.

And for some ADHD adults, envisioning the future can be difficult, especially under pressure. So the decision may feel right in the moment, even if it doesn’t align with your actual capacity.

(07:13):

You may also worry about disappointing others or being perceived negatively, especially if you feel you’ve let people down in the past. So you say yes to avoid that.

And finally, you may overcommit because of shame. You may feel like something is wrong with you and want to prove that you’re capable, both to yourself and to others.

Do any of these resonate with you?

So far, I’ve talked about what overcommitting is, what it looks like, and how it may be related to your ADHD. Now let’s get into strategies.

(07:38): What Tools Help ADHD Adults Stop Overcommitting?

The first step in turning around your habit of overcommitting is to make sure you have and know how to use two foundational tools: a task manager and a calendar.

This may seem basic, but right now, you may be trying to hold a lot of information in your head, which doesn’t work well.

You need to know where you’re currently committed. You likely already have a calendar, but you may not be using it in the most helpful way.

(08:45):

Look at your calendar. What you want to see is the hard landscape of your life, what you’re doing each day at specific times.

But if your calendar is filled with events you may or may not attend and tasks you may or may not do, it’s not giving you an accurate picture.

Similarly, if your tasks are in your head, on scraps of paper, in emails, and scattered across places, you don’t have a clear view of your commitments, which is essential for ADHD adults when deciding whether to take on more.

(09:44):

That’s where a task manager comes in. I use Todoist and guide many clients through adopting it, though there are many tools that can work.

But you may have tried many task managers and feel hesitant to try again. I get it.

Often, the missing piece is not the tool but the lack of a consistent process for updating it and thinking through your commitments.

(10:41): Why Isn’t My Task System Working with ADHD?

Without that process, your system isn’t current, you don’t trust it, and you stop using it. It becomes a cycle.

The key is a weekly review and planning time where you do the upfront thinking you may not be doing consistently. When you do this, your tools are more likely to stay up to date, and you’re more likely to use them.

I’ve included links in the show notes on my website to a post about weekly review and planning.

(10:52):

If you’re thinking, “I get it, I’ve tried it, and it hasn’t worked,” you’re not alone.

The next question is how to build the habit of doing this consistently.

Maintaining habits as an ADHD adult can be challenging, but that’s not a reason to give up. It’s a reason to think about what support you need.

(11:53):

That might be an accountability buddy you text after your weekly review.

Or you might body double with someone each week. Some of my clients use Focusmate, a virtual accountability service, for this.

You might also need more support, like talking through your weekly review with someone so you can externalize your thinking, especially when you’re learning the process.

(12:43): Why Isn’t My Task System Working with ADHD?

Once you have this foundation, you’ll be in a much better position to make informed decisions about where to say yes and where to say no.

When your information is current and visible, you can trust it.

At that point, you’re ready to make more thoughtful decisions about commitments.

(13:50):

There is rarely a perfect answer. Most commitment decisions involve trade-offs.

The goal is not to make the perfect decision, but a thoughtful one.

One key consideration is your capacity. Do you realistically have the time and energy to take this on?

(14:58):

If not, are there other commitments you’d be willing to change, reduce, defer, or let go of?

Another consideration is your values and priorities. Sometimes you may choose to stretch yourself because something matters to you.

And there are always trade-offs. The question becomes whether the trade-off is worth it to you.

(15:15):

For example, you might talk to your boss about being stretched too thin, knowing they may perceive it negatively.

That doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. It means you’re deciding with awareness.

The goal is to make decisions with your eyes open.

(16:07): What Should You Do Before Saying Yes to a Commitment?

When it comes time to decide, the first step is not to say yes right away. Instead, give yourself time. You might say, “Let me get back to you,” or “I need to check my calendar.”

That pause allows you to think more clearly.

(16:59):

Then reflect on whether you want to commit.

Look at your calendar and task list. Consider your capacity.

Also consider both time and effort, as ADHD can make both hard to estimate.

(18:08):

Think about whether the commitment fits your priorities.

If you say no, it doesn’t mean it’s not important. It may just not be right for now. Also consider what you’d need to give up if you say yes.

(18:36):

Sometimes the cost becomes clearer when you name the trade-off.

You may have the time and energy for something, but still prefer to rest or do something else.

You also don’t always have to do the task yourself. Some things can be delegated.

(19:40):

And saying no doesn’t have to be forever. You may be able to defer.

If overcommitting is a challenge for you, remember this is a skill. It improves with practice.

You may worry that saying no is rude, but people often appreciate clear boundaries.

(20:11):

You can also back out of a commitment if needed. It’s not ideal, but sometimes it’s better than following through half-heartedly. It may be uncomfortable, but so is not following through.

(21:12):

What I hope you take away is that overcommitting is common, especially with ADHD, but there are ways to change it.

The goal is not to stop being helpful or enthusiastic, but to be more intentional.

So you can follow through on what truly matters to you.

That’s it for now. If this resonated, follow the podcast and click like so others can find it.

Until next time, this has been Reimagining Productivity with ADHD. I’m Marla Cummins, reminding you that ADHD doesn’t define you, but how you work with it can shape what’s possible.

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ADHD Adults and Overcommitment Resources:

• Learn how to plan better with my Free Guide: 6 Common Planning Mistakes Adults with ADHD Make.
• The ADHD Adult’s Guide To The Weekly Review will help you learn how to do a weekly review and planning session so you can make better decisions
• Discover the many ways you can say “no” in How To Set Boundaries Around Time When You Have ADHD.

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