Marla Cummins

ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant

What Doesn’t Motivate ADHD Adults to Follow Through

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How To Make ADHD Adults Follow Through On Their Commitments

 

 

I know you’re curious as to what will help ADHD adults execute better. But have you ever wondered what doesn’t motivate ADHD adults?

Recently I was talking to a client about adopting more helpful self-talk when faced with starting a task that was not intrinsically interesting to her. She commented that it sounded a little hokey and, besides, she used to using more “forceful” self-talk. I noted that that doesn’t seem to really be working. “Oh, you’re right…,” she responded. 😊

You’ve often heard the phrase, “If it’s not broken don’t fix it.” And that’s important to remember, for sure. But you should also remember to stop doing what’s not working! And trying to force yourself to work tops my list of strategies that don’t usually work for adults with ADHD.

What do you think?

What Happens When ADHD Adults Try to Use Force for Motivation

Meet Laila (a pseudonym and composite of many client conversations)

Laila, like many “uninformed” ADHD adults, would try day after day to force herself to plow through her task list. She would tell himself, “I have to…, I should…, I must…” Sound familiar? And, on occasion, trying to force herself to work gave her enough motivation to start. But it wasn’t sustainable.

So, when force didn’t work, as it often didn’t, she would once again be facing down a deadline at the 11th hour. Then the pressure was on and she was could deliver, sort of. Sure, sometimes she was pleased with the finished product. But other times she felt like she didn’t do her best work because she just didn’t have enough time.

And the stress and overwhelm that came with trying to force yourself to work was taking its toll. She wasn’t eating well, exercising or getting enough sleep. And, when she did spend time with families and friends, she often ended up worrying about work. Thoughts about what she still needed to get done and what she might be forgetting kept swirling about in her head.

Laila’s instinct to try to make herself work is common for ADHD adults. But it didn’t work for her. And I bet, if you’re doing this, it is not working for you, either. So, let’s look at a more effective strategy for persisting in following through on your most important work.

Know Your ADHD Brain Wiring to Understand Why Force Won’t Work

For neurotypical adults, a reasonable amount of external and internal pressure motivates them to start and follow through on work that is important to them or others. It makes sense, if you’re comparing yourself to your non-ADHD peers, you might think this should work for you too.

So, when forcing yourself to work doesn’t pan out, you may decide you’re just not trying hard enough. And, rather than considering it might be the wrong strategy, you blame yourself, amplifying your use of forceful self-talk. This inevitably backfires, and then you’re caught in a vicious cycle. You use forceful self-talk, procrastinate, use more negative self-talk and avoid your work even more!

Ever happen to you?

The reason force doesn’t work for you is you have an interest-based nervous system. It’s just the way your brain is wired. As ADHD expert Dr. William Dodson points, while ADHD medication will help, nothing will change if you still approach the task with neurotypical strategies.

Instead, you will need to figure out what will help you get engaged in a task. Then you’ll be able to map out your journey using strategies that will work for the way your brain is wired and your preferences. To do this you’ll need to both engineer your environment and create the interest you need

You can find some of the strategies below.

How ADHD Adults Engineer Their Environment to Follow Through

In no particular order below are a few of the strategies you will find useful to start and follow through on what is essential to you.

Do enough planning to minimize the cognitive overload that can come from thoughts of all your tasks ricocheting around in your brain. For example, you could create a mind map or process aloud with a thought partner. Just make sure you get out of your head. It’s too busy a place to create a plan. 🙂

At the same time make sure you don’t get stuck doing too much planning! Check out, When Planning Is Overrated for Adults with ADHD to see why this is so important

You may over plan as a means of procrastinating. And the source of this procrastination from your thoughts, which is often reinforced by the accompanying self-talk. To turn this around you can adopt self-talk that will help you start and follow through.

And, as you are doing just enough planning, remember the objective is for the work to get done. It is not always necessary or wise for you to be the one to do it. So, consider whether you can delegate all or part of the task. In addition to requesting someone you manage do the task, you could also hire, barter or negotiate as a means of delegating.

If you focus on finishing or the immensity of the task, you might avoid it, right? So, instead, focus on persistent starting. Adopting a warm-up routine is one way to make starting easier.

To make the task less daunting make sure it is concrete, doable and small enough. Then you will have a better chance of feeling like starting.

How else can you engineer your environment to help you get started and follow through?

How ADHD Adults Create Interest to Complete Their Work

The above strategies are always necessary for ADHD adults to close the loop on their work. But the following strategies are more idiosyncratic. That is, you’ll need to experiment to see what works for you and what is a wash.

And always remember it’s an experiment, and not an exam. So, you can’t fail! Her some tactics that have worked for some ADHD adults and might for you, too.

  • Reward yourself along the way, not just at the end. Maybe you can watch a TV show after you do your email.
  • Set a timer for 25 minutes or as long as you think you can work. Then take a break.
  • Tap into the reward. You’ll likely never feel like doing your email. But you may want to be seen as a professional, for example. And this might provide some motivation.
  • Make it a game. Have everyone in your household pick a room and see how fast they can organize it.
  • Work with a body double or accountability partner.

What do you do to try to manufacture interest when your mojo just isn’t there?

Be Willing to Withstand Some Discomfort

I know you’ll find some of the tips useful, for sure. Yet, is important to know what to do when the common ADHD thinking, “I don’t feel like it,” pops up. Because it will. And right now, you may give into it more than you would like, right? Hopefully, some of the above tips will help you get started despite this thinking.

It is also important to learn how to withstand some discomfort. So, while there may be a lot of friction in getting started, the feeling of not wanting to do something doesn’t stop you in your tracks. That is, you can tap into your wiser voice, rather than this feeling of not being stimulated by what’s in front of you.

So, get up and do some jumping jacks, play with your fidget toy, sit with your feet on your chair. Do whatever you need to do. And be compassionate with yourself, realizing it’s not easy to get started…

what doesn’t motivate ADHD adults to follow through

There you have it.

Force will seldomly work to motivate you to follow through. So, you’ll need to diversify your motivators. And, luckily, you have many other options. Some I’ve noted above.

What are you going to try?

 

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Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do. Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability. Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course. Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive… Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try.  She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations. The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things.  Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer. When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame! Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choices that are right for me and learn strategies that last a life time is invaluable to me. The investment was certainly worth it. From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD. If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally. I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life. I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately. I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore. Thanks again for all your help.  Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers. Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our work I clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions.  Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change. For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work. I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily. I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control. Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost. At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it. More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent. Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively. She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open. She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical. Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well. She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing. After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.

— Marc D., Software Engineer

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try. After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem. Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally. Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist