Marla Cummins

ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant

ADHD and Strengthening Your Willpower – You Can Do It!

by

 

ADHD and Self-Control

 

Learning how to manage your willpower will help you work with your ADHD.

Really.

You may be thinking, “I don’t want to hear this. I’m tired of hearing that I just need more willpower. I have ADHD!”

Hang with me for a bit.

I’m not talking about the version of willpower where you  are told to “just try harder” or “just do it.”

That won’t work for you. Because the challenges you experience exerting self control  when you want, willpower, have to do with your brain wiring.

But there are strategies you can learn in order strengthen, conserve and use your willpower when you want.

And these same strategies will help you manage your ADHD.

What is Willpower?

Psychologist Roy Baumeister, author of Willpower, and the foremost expert on the topic notes that willpower is the energy needed to exhibit self-control.

He divides the use of willpower into four categories:

  • control of thoughts
  • control of emotions
  • impulse control
  • performance control (focusing on tasks)

Hmm, I bet these sound familiar. These are areas that are challenging for you because of your ADHD.

Where Do You Get The Power?!

It is true that your challenges with exhibiting self control are in part due to your brain wiring.

But you also know that when you are tired and hungry your ADHD symptoms seem to become magnified.

Without the right nutrition to feed your brain it is hard to mentally stay on your game. Specifically, Baumeister’s studies found that the glucose that you get from complex carbs (whole grains, legumes and other vegetables) is critical to exerting self-control.

It is the same with sleep. Without enough sleep your  willpower decreases.  Baumeister’s studies confirmed this.  And we know that lack of sleep can also make your ADHD symptoms worse.

It Is A Limited Resource

But, even with enough sleep and the right nutrition, Baumeister concluded that willpower is a limited resource.

Yes, there are strategies to help you work with your ADHD in order to follow through and complete your important tasks.

But, because you don’t have an inexhaustible supply of willpower, even the best practices will not help you to power through your list of 150 tasks in one day or to adopt multiple habits at once.

So, if you use all of your “willpower reserves” at work, you will have a harder time using your self control to:

  • engage in a thoughtful discussion with your boss at the end of the work day.
  • interact and be patient with your kids when you get home.
  • resist eating the whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey after dinner.
  • go on the run you planned.

The same with habits. You also are not likely to be as successful if your try to build more than one habit at a time. I bet you’ve already heard this. Now you have research on your side!

Accepting What Is

The first step in addressing this reality is to acknowledge that your willpower is a limited resource.

Then give yourself a break. Have compassion for yourself. And think about what would help you.

So, for the examples above, you could decide to:

  • Hold off on the discussion with your boss and schedule it for the next morning.
  • Listen to some music on the way home and think about transitioning into “home mode.”
  • Buy Chunky Money once a month, instead of once a week to reduce the temptation.
  • Have a running partner so you have built in accountability.

What would you do differently right now if you took this first step?

Willpower and Goals

Yes, I hope you are compassionate with yourself. It will help you persevere.

At the same time you can also adopt strategies to strengthen your willpower  so you can reach your goals.

And a reminder. These are the same strategies you can use to work with your ADHD.

Here are some strategies to help you rely less on using sheer force to power your way through:

  • Have a clear goal in mind that does not conflict with your other goals. If your goals conflict with each other, it is hard to make decisions about how to move forward.
  • Create a visual to remember your goal.
  • Break it down to the smallest step possible to make it easy to execute. Makes it easier to know what to do, and you are more likely to follow through.
  • Focus on the very next step to reaching your goal, even if the whole path is not clear. After all that is all you can do today.
  • Remove or stay away from temptations. Why make it harder than it needs to be?
  • Build in accountability by telling someone or a group of people about your goal. Start with a trusted friend. Feeling brave? Go ahead announce it on Facebook.
  • Create habits. Once they are routine, you will spend less energy trying to initiate and follow through.

So, you really don’t have to “just do it” or try harder. It can be easier.

Questions For You

Is there a change you want to make to your eating or sleeping or habits so you have more energy each day?

Are you trying to “fight what is,” and tackle too much each day or attempt to adopt too many new habits? How can you cut back?

What strategies do you want to adopt to make the path to your goals clearer and easier to reach?

Think you might need help? Contact me for a Complimentary Consultation. We can talk about what steps you can take to help you move forward with less struggle.

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Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do. Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability. Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course. Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive… Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try.  She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations. The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things.  Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer. When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame! Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choices that are right for me and learn strategies that last a life time is invaluable to me. The investment was certainly worth it. From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD. If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally. I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life. I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately. I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore. Thanks again for all your help.  Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers. Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our work I clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions.  Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change. For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work. I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily. I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control. Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost. At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it. More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent. Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively. She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open. She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical. Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well. She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing. After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.

— Marc D., Software Engineer

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try. After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem. Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally. Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist